Consequences
by Heligena
Summary: Sequel fanfic to Taken. Shows the repercussions on Emily, Naomi and Katie's relationships after Danny's attack. How will they deal with the consequences of almost losing the people they love?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys, figured I would start a sequel to Taken, since people seemed to like it. Not entirely sure where this is going yet, the plot bunnies are running wild but thought that Emily, Naomi and Katie wouldn't just get over something traumatic, so this fic is about the repercussions on their relationships. Let me know what you think, or if you have any plot ideas you'd like to see. Really would appreciate it!**

**DARKNESS VISIBLE**

**By HeligenaGirl**

"I don't know, seems like it's a bit last season."

"Everyone thinks red hair is sexy, it's classic, never goes out of fashion" murmured Naomi, letting her finger twine through a lock of Ems' hair. It felt soft, out of place above the hard dirt floor littered with twigs and angular stones.

Out of place but it still shone in the faint orange glow from their hastily built fire.

"Cleopatra had red hair."

Naomi nodded. "I'd do her."

Emily closed her eyes, "Emily Dickinson?"

Naomi nodded again. "I'd do her, but I'd make sure she didn't have any cutting implements in the room."

Emily buried her face deeper into the blue tartan rug they were using as a pillow to hide her grin, "So you'd do Mick Hucknall if he turned up now?"

Naomi tried to cover her own smile as she rested on her elbows. "I'd totally kick you out and get it on with the Hucknall. All those sexy red curls, that voice..."

She inched closer to Emily's ear buried under her messy cascade of hair and started humming, "I wanna fall from the stars...straight into his arms..."

Emily giggled and finally turned to face the blonde, taking in her perfect features in the low light "You know you lie like a cheap Russian whore."

"Yes I do." Naomi paused and lowered her eyes. "I wouldn't kick you out for anyone really."

She knew without looking that Emily had a contented smile on her face. It was all she could do not to kick her legs out and have a little celebration but she figured that might undermine the reputation of stoicism she'd built.

The grey clouds winked at her, as if it knew.

Turning to lie on her back; the thin branches of the trees above spread out across the afternoon sky like veins. Pulsating with energy it seemed sometimes, as if they were trying to draw whatever power they could from the two girls below.

Just then she felt the redhead beside her shift and enjoyed the little bit of friction on her thigh. Weird how such small sensations, of someone sitting up, brushing the debris off their sweater sent flickers of desire through her.

"Hey Em, you got the beers by you?"

She waited for an answer but nothing came.

"Ems?"

Silence smoked back at her.

A little put out, Naomi lifted her head and looked over at her girl.

From the looks of it, she didn't even seem to remember that the blonde was lying next to her.

Emily was staring intently into the fire, a slight wariness flickering on her sweet face. Naomi watched, a small spark of anxiety beginning to build in her chest as the twin reached out a hand almost unconsciously it seemed, towards the blazing pile of leaves and paper. A few inches away it stopped, the heat obviously flaring on the skin.

Then Emily reached out further, her fingertips within centimetres of one of the flames.

She moved closer.

"Don't."

It was more of a question than a statement really. Naomi hadn't realised until that moment how sick she had gotten of just watching, just observing the world spinning around her with all its petty humiliations and victories. It was the same awful feeling she'd had staring into the window of the clubhouse all those weeks ago, watching Emily's motionless body lie coldly on the floor.

She cut the tendrils of thought off.

"It doesn't feel the same. I thought it would." Emily stared back at her for the first time, a little blankly. "I mean fire is fire right?"

"There's a difference between an irresponsible campfire and a psycho's raging inferno." Naomi tried to sound as nonchalant as she could.

"He didn't start it, it was an accident."

_The fuck it was._

Naomi tried not to think back to that night, the colours of it. The strange flash of burning headlights on black gravel, glass shattering and a burst of painful heat on her face... her jaw muscles were clenching despite her best efforts.

Her tongue seemed to be glued to the floor of her mouth.

So she took Emily's hand in hers, clasped it warmly to reassure her in the only way she could think. She didn't notice for a few seconds, the strange rough patch on the palm, at least until she felt Emily squeeze back and they were palm to palm. Turning the small hand over, her chest froze as she saw a small burn mark etched into the flesh, it looked as if it could have been done with a cigarette or a cheap lighter. A fresh burn.

"Ems?"

Emily looked down at her open palm and lowered her face. "That's not...I didn't mean to..."

"Ems."

The red-head held her eyes sadly. "I kept trying to remember what it felt like in that room. All the stupid things going through my head and I just couldn't." She shrugged self-consciously and drew her eyes away. "You shouldn't forget something like that, it's not right...you should remember it for the rest of your life, so you know what to do if it happens again. Otherwise what's the point?"

Naomi was at a loss for what to say but she ran her fingers over the burn mark gently, willing it to heal as quickly as it had been made.

"They can't hurt you unless you let them, that's what they say isn't it?" Emily blinked, brushing away something from her right eye. "I keep thinking, what if you hadn't come. What if you and Katie hadn't seen my bag in his car, what if he hadn't had that keyring so you knew where to go? I'd be a name on a small plaque in the Humanities Department. Not much of a story."

Naomi couldn't take the pain in Emily's voice anymore; it was echoing too loudly in the small clearing and seemed to double in size the longer they left it. All she wanted to do was stop her talking but she also knew that Emily needed to say what was on her mind.

It felt as if there was a tear running through her ribs.

"None of this matters, Em." Reaching out, she held the smaller girl's shoulders, careful not to brush the still healing bruises. "We found you... and Danny..." She hated the sound of his name on her tongue and tried not to spit it out, "He's not coming back."

"Did you see the picture of his Mum on the News? She looked like she was sagging into herself...like the only reason she had to be alive was just snatched away. She could barely stand up."

The younger twin stared at the floor, the five minute lead story from the news broadcast burned into her mind. Clear, unforgettable in direct contrast to that night. The unfairness of it seemed like a joke.

She bit her lip, "A promising young footballer, who whilst intoxicated, was led into a series of petty criminal acts, was interred today, his team-mates draping the coffin in his favourite club shirt."

"Don't do this to yourself Ems." Naomi heard herself say, heard her own desperation in amongst it.

But Emily couldn't stop herself, "I can't make sense of it. He did all these horrible things to us but I can't quite picture them in my head. I can't tell if they really happened or if someone told me they happened so I think that they did." She swallowed, "And everyone around town thinks he was a great talent, 'taken before his time.'" She clasped her forehead then, as the headache that had been hovering around her eye intensified. "Which one is real?"

_I'm real, _thought Naomi, not sure if that was selfish or not. _We're real. _

_We're leftovers but we're real._

The lost expression on the red-head's face, here; in the place where they had first been together made her skin seem to ache all over.

Naomi placed her hand gently on top of Emily's and leant in, kissing her softly on the lips. "That's real." Tilting Emily's confused face towards her, she kissed her nose. "And that's real."

Their eyes met, both shining with firelight. "I just want things to make sense again."

"They will, you just have to give it time."

"Do we have time?" asked Emily nervously.

Everything Naomi could think of to say sounded cheap and cliché when she started to reply. _All the time in the world. Time is relative._ So she nodded and hugging Emily briefly, she pulled her girlfriend down onto the rug they had been lying on. She felt the hard ground press into her spine beneath her t-shirt and hoped that Emily would get the point of what she was trying to say. Putting her right arm out, she pulled the red-head in until she was snuggling into her neck and Naomi could feel the familiar sensation of warm breath beating out a rhythm on her neck. Unending. An everyday rhythm.

It was almost like nothing had happened but she knew that wasn't true.

"Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in." Naomi mumbled, staring upwards giving Emily a little space while she quieted all the thoughts in her mind.

"Napoleon..." said Naomi in explanation.

"Have you been reading the dictionary of quotes again?" Emily felt calm enough to brush the wave of blonde hair back behind Naomi's ear with a little spark in her brown eyes and Naomi almost stopped breathing with relief when she heard it.

"Maybe. " she said mysteriously, her muscles relaxing a little. "Maybe I'm just well informed."

Emily smiled against her neck. But somehow Naomi had a sinking feeling that this wasn't nearly the end of the matter.

**A/N: Review and your heart be true... **


	2. Retail Therapy

**A/N: Lovely lovely hugs for all the reviews so far, esp for all those who stayed with me after reading Taken. Glad people like where this is going, and hopefully I can keep your interest a little longer! This chapter is sort of filler but I go where the muse takes me so no apologies. Let me know what you think, I always appreciate it.**

**RETAIL THERAPY**

**By HeligenaGirl**

Naomi watched Emily browsing aimlessly through the racks in Oasis, holding her hair up against a dark green patterned blouse, to see if it clashed. Apparently it conflicted in some way because the red-head moved away to the next row of t-shirts with a small frown and began the ritual again.

It was such a small thing. And still, Naomi felt a small shiver of contentment run through her skin as she followed her with her eyes. The everydayness of it. _So mundane._

It didn't seem to fit with the fading bruises on her forehead and the dark bags under Emily's eyes. They seemed less obvious under the strip lighting but she could see the outlines, where healing contusions changed colour, turned into fresh, healthy skin. She woke up to them, their exact positions whenever she got the chance. It was different now though. Here.

She hoped more than anything the small act meant that some of the scars were waning along with the memories but she had the uncomfortable feeling that the carefree attitude was masking something else.

_If you don't feel confident, pretend you do until you really feel it._

_Cheers, psychology module_, she thought tartly.

Snapping herself out of her thoughts, she walked over to her girlfriend, "So where's Joe Calzaghe?"

Emily turned with a grin and smacked the blonde girl's arm. "She's looking for a summer skirt. And be nice."

"I'm always nice." Naomi leaned down and brushed her lips against the back of Emily's neck, ignoring the label sticking up that tickled her nose. "It's my defining characteristic."

"Ok!" Said Ems, sneaking a quick kiss on the lips.

Just then Katie rounded the corner with a few colourful dresses draped over her arm, the rainbow of colours playing loudly against her black hooded sweatshirt.

"Jesus, you look like a one woman gay parade."

Katie grimaced at the blonde. "Clearly, I just wanted you to feel at home."

"Can we go soon?"

They both looked over at Emily who was fidgeting now, fingers playing with the tassles on the edge of a brown leather handbag.

"What?! I don't have any money and I really need a cigarette." She glanced over at her sister innocently. "Do you have the lighter?"

It was barely noticeable but Naomi saw a flicker of something quickly cross Katie's face before she smiled apologetically.

"Sorry must have left it in the car."

Emily let out a sigh. "It's all right, I think I've got an old one at the bottom of my bag."

Just as she unclasped it, to have a root around Katie stopped her.

"You should try this one before we go." The slightly older twin fumbled through her stack of clothes and pulled out a pale blue sweater with a small embroidered crest. "It'd look really good on you. I can lend you the money if you want it. If not, then...now worries, right?"

A trace of gratitude sprang up immediately on her sister's face. She took the top off her twin, turning it round on the wire hanger so she could get a full view. Then there was a nod of agreement.

She smiled, "Guess I'll go pimp my look then. You two'll be all right for a minute won't you?"

"We'll find a way to deal with your absence. It'll be hard but we'll be better people for the experience."

Wandering off, Ems' sister and her girlfriend watched her go, both noticing the heavy way she walked, not quite as energetic as usual but neither able to quite put a name to why it bothered them. So they just stood there, and waited for her to come back. A minute passed before anyone spoke.

"Thanks."

Naomi shrugged when Katie looked up at her with confusion.

"For picking out something Ems would like... And the diversion."

"Oh. Sure." Katie smiled dimly and felt a little awkwardness creep into her muscles as she stared towards the changing rooms. The aisles around them seemingly emptier than when she had last looked and she tried desperately not to think any further on that.

"So she showed you the burn?"

Naomi's face fell into seriousness. "Not exactly but I'm an annoyingly inquisitive sort of person." She hesitated for a second, "Katie, has she..."

Suddenly, a loud ringing alarm slammed into the air, echoing off the metal girders above. It was so loud, it seemed to be burrowing into Naomi's brain as she tried to block it out.

"We've got a problem in the women's changing room," some faceless teenage shopgirl called, reading the blinking lights off a screen behind the counter.

"Fire or theft?" a crackling voice came over some sort of radio.

"Can't tell." Came the reply. "System seems to have reset itself."

Katie stared at Naomi in alarm, "Shit!"

They didn't need to say anything else, both girls sprinted around the racks, knocking off a pair of black boots as they ran threw the store, past a pair of disapproving crumpled old women. Following the arrows painted on the wooden floor, they slowed down as they reached the brown hanging curtain that opened into the segregated changing rooms. A couple of hefty, tight-sweatered security guards pushed past them, and Naomi had to grab Katie's arm to stop her from falling into a shoe display.

"Thanks," she said breathlessly.

"Anytime."

"Should we..."

Before they could decide whether to barge their way in, the two guards came back out dragging a black haired girl, with a pair of jeans half hanging out of the waistband of her skirt, apparently unconcerned with the fact she was being manhandled away. She gave them a little salute of defiance as they pulled her towards a back room.

And Emily appeared from one of the cubicles, the dress slung over her wrist. She stared at both of them with barely disguised anger in her brown eyes, "You thought it was me, didn't you?"

Naomi lowered her gaze, not sure how to answer. "No, we just..."

"Ems..." Katie started.

"...I'm not a fucking basket case yet. I do know how to behave in civilised society."

Her voice was quiet but there was a hardness to it that unnerved both of them.

"We know that, we're just..." Naomi couldn't even finish the sentence in her own head, it was so lame.

_Fuck. We're totally busted, aren't we?_

Katie seemed to be sharing the guilty thought but had sunk into silence. Naomi wished she had had that foresight but it was too late now.

She went to take Emily's hand by way of apology, a pathetic one she knew but before she could Emily had crossed her arms and brushed the hurt look off her face.

"Let's just go."

"I'll just pay for these, ok." Katie snuck Naomi a helpless glance but strode off to the counter while her twin and Naomi followed behind slowly.

"I don't think you're a basket case."

Emily kept looking straight ahead. "But you don't think I'm quite right in the head, do you?"

"Do you?" Whispered Naomi and for a second, she saw a glimpse of buried pain and anger surface on the red-heads face. Overwhelmed by it, like she was just barely keeping her head above the tideline of something.

She watched as Emily struggled against herself, "I...I..." No words came.

At the desk, Katie passed the dresses over.

"You'll look good in them." A boy, about nineteen or twenty winked at her from the next counter. "Maybe I could take you out, give you a chance to show them off."

She smiled politely, "No thank you." Katie turned back to her assistant.

But the bloke didn't seem to be getting the hint. He sidled over to her.

"What's the problem, you're all dressed for the occasion as it is. Just a bite to eat. A drink even."

Katie felt her face burning as he crept into her personal space, "I'm just not interested ok."

The young guy reached out an arm, obliviously confident in his own charms. "You're too beautiful to be out on a Saturday alone...."

"Please leave me alone." For some reason, Katie found it was hard to speak, every word had to be dredged up from somewhere heavy and humid and the longer he kept staring at her, the more she had the urge to run. She forgot all about her purchases. She just wanted to get out of there, away from the gaping stares and the hands so close to her, that could pin her down or pick her up before she could scream. Before anyone would notice. The disinterested eyes of the shoppers were all over her but she knew they didn't care. They wouldn't do anything.

Glancing around for a sign of Naomi or Emily, she felt herself start to hyperventilate, as he leant in closer, his elbow grinding into the counter.

"Come on...I know you want a good time. You have that look."

His voice, the wheedling tone in it cut through her and now it seemed as if her lungs were covered in the same gluey substance as her words, because she couldn't breathe. Looking at the guy fearfully, she put her arms up.

"Hey!"

Right as the floor started to spin a little with the lack of air, a red blur flashed past her and through the haze of panic, she saw the man turn with surprise. Just before something pale came out of nowhere and slammed into his face. Crumpling backwards on the floor, she watched bewildered and anxious as she tried to breathe and Emily pulled back from him, a furious look on her face. She kicked him hard in the stomach. Once then again, putting all her weight into it.

"What?! You think I can't take you? She's just a girl right..." she screamed, although the man was trying to back away, horror now burning in his own eyes, his hand cradling his stomach muscles.

"I'm capable of anything...You want proof?" Emily gave him another kick before Katie saw Naomi grab her from behind, restraining her, pinning her arms down at her sides. For once she was glad Naomi was that much taller because it gave her more leverage over her sister's smaller form.

Emily, however was still struggling, buoyed by frustration and something darker, deeper and it took a minute before she lost energy and her body went slack, resting in Naomi's arms.

"You all right?" Keeping her grip on her girlfriend, Naomi glanced at Katie worriedly.

Katie nodded, drawing a deeper breath to steady herself.

"We should get out of here..."

She left her clothes on the desk.

Grabbing an arm each they walked with Emily towards the exit, and out onto the damp pavement, although she was barely resisting anymore.

They didn't stop until they reached a brick wall a hundred yards from the shopping centre and leant back against it, embracing it's solidness and weight.

"You were saying?" Naomi glanced down at Emily who had closed her eyes. To the world. To everything.

"I think I need help," she whispered, her husky voice cracking. She wasn't even sure who she was saying it to but she let it hang in the air.

Naomi brushed her wrist gently but Emily didn't open her eyes. Turning, taking in Katie's messy hair, where it caught on the brickwork and her fitful breathing, Naomi put her other hand on Katie's shoulder. She looked between the two girls apprehensively and breathed out silently.

For the first time in her life she had no idea what she should do.

**A/N: Review and good luck shall come to you...**


	3. Pawns

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, life stuff getting in the way. Did go to the E4 party in the club in Bristol Thursday night though and met Merv (aka Thomas) so that was cool. The too much vodka and next day throwing up not so much. Anyway, here's the next chapter, hope you like it. I'm a little disappointed with it myself, not sure how well the execution went but there you go. Any reviews would be lovely and I promise I am getting around to catching up and reviewing all the other fics on here. Promise!**

**PAWNS**

**By HeligenaGirl**

Naomi stretched her toes out, letting the multicoloured toes of her socks hang an inch above the duvet. Emily liked to point out that they made her look like the wicked witch of the east just after the house had fallen on her, and the thought made her smile self-consciously.

Being flattened seemed like such an easy, straightforward thing to deal with compared to Em...

"Hey."

Surprised, she heard a thin voice from the doorway. Katie stood there; obviously awkward about being there alone, without her sister, but there was a subdued look on her face that cut right through Naomi's musings. She waved her hand.

"Hey. Come in."

Naomi pretended not to notice the small flash of gratitude as the redhead wandered inside the doorway and dropped her handbag on the edge of the bed.

"Where's Ems?" said Katie glancing around at the ramshackle contents of the room.

"She's got detention today till five."

Katie's eyes widened for a minute then she gave a shake of her head. "Sounds about right. What did she do, headbutt Doug or something."

"Or something." Naomi watched distractedly as the twin took in the state of her room, the shoes scattered on the floor, the peeling paint where she'd moved her posters in a fit of irreverence.

Brown eyes suddenly burned into her from the end of the bed. A different sensation to when she met Emily's usual warmth but still eerily familiar.

"Interesting room. " Katie shrugged, "Thought you'd have more....scarves or whatever."

"When have I ever worn a scarf?" Naomi frowned.

"Not scarves, you know, like neckerchiefs..."

"Fucking hell Katie, I'm not a gypsy."

"Yeah, sorry."

Katie looked so forlorn that Naomi censored her reply. She pulled her knees up instead with a soft smile and left more space for the girl to make herself comfortable. Neither of them spoke but Katie shuffled a bit closer.

Despite the silence, Naomi could feel the other girl's need to talk, it was practically burning the outside of her skin. The need to talk about Emily, about everything; but obviously something inside was stopping her. Unfortunately she knew exactly what that felt like, how tiring it could get assaulting your own stupid, pointless walls. Barricades.

It was draining.

Naomi played with her gold necklace as she threw a worm out.

"She's just so angry, you know."

Katie's head snapped up, "You say that like it's the worst thing that could have happened."

Confused, the blonde blinked, "Isn't it?"

The other girl flicked at the duvet cover, her eyes down. "At least when you're angry you feel powerful. I mean, right? Don't you? Like you can kick the shit out of anything."

_Suppose so, _Naomi thought.

She kept her tone neutral, "...as opposed to..."

Katie kept her gaze on the beige carpet, "...Nothing. Just an observation, you know. Have you tried talking to her?"

A sigh escaped before the taller girl could stop it. "Because we all know I'm all about the talking." She rubbed her eye, wearily. "She doesn't want to tell me, she's reached new and impressive levels of distraction techniques though."

"Gross."

Despite the disgusted look that crossed her face, Katie seemed to be considering what she was saying.

"She needs to know the consequences of her anger, if she doesn't sort it out."

Naomi couldn't argue with that. The thought that Emily might destroy everything she's fought for because of that bastard...

Just as she was about to respond, the front door slammed downstairs and reverberated through the thin walls. Naomi looked over at Katie, with a look that said 'she's back, now what?'

Hurriedly, Katie turned to her, "I know it's your house but do you think you could give us a minute to talk alone?"

Naomi was more than a little thrown; the whole day seemed to be descending into an exercise in surrealism but she also knew that Katie was trying her best to help Emily, and she couldn't bring herself to deny her the chance to make things easier. Somehow, she couldn't be that selfish.

"I guess I'll go see if Mum needs anything." With a smile she hoped was comforting, Naomi dragged herself off the bed and rested her hand on the redheads shoulder before she left the room, wondering if she was doing the right thing. She wasn't sure but she kept going anyway.

"Let me know if you need anything!" yelled Naomi from down the hall as she went but the redhead didn't hear.

Alone now, Katie stood up, drew herself up to her full height hoping that it might help her feel stronger in some stupid way. Just as she gave herself a hard stare in the mirror hanging over the mantelpiece, she saw her sister burst in, a scowl on her pretty face.

"Good day?" said Katie evenly.

"What are you doing here?" said Emily as she suddenly spotted her twin.

"Just waiting for you to get out of detention."

Emily at least had the grace to blush a little as she saw her sister's eyes, waiting for a response. "It was a misunderstanding that's all."

"Right."

"Where's Naomi?" Emily walked over, throwing her bag down.

"Popped out shopping with her mum."

"She left you alone in her room?"

"I have a very trustworthy face." Katie grinned at her reflection in the mirror but it felt unnatural even to her, God knew what Emily was seeing. "Don't worry I haven't stolen anything."

"I don't think you're a thief, Christ." Emily shook her head.

"Oh just a really fucking bad judge of character eh."

Emily took a step back in surprise at the edge in her sister's voice. "What are you talking about?"

Katie licked her lips as she stared at her. "Don't pretend. Everyone can see how angry you are. That you blame me. You should, it's my fault. Well I've thought of a way we can both feel better." She took in her sister's wariness and steeled herself. Turning her back to the mirror, she looked into concerned brown eyes.

"Hit me."

"What?" All Emily could think was that she was hearing things.

"Do it. Maybe it'll help." Katie peered at her, taking in Emily's clenched fist tapping against her thigh, the only outward sign that the rage inside her was still there.

"For fuck's sake, it's been a long day, I've just had the world's most pointless detention, I'm not going to hit you, Katie."

Grabbing a black and white piece of pottery off the shelf in Naomi's room, Katie held it up with a sly smile, whispered" Pretty," and then threw it hard at the wall behind Ems. It smashed loudly, the pieces smattering onto the carpet.

"You remember that sound don't you?... Even through the haze. Breaking glass, goes right through you."

"Stop it, that's Naomi's." Emily looked at her in horror.

"You know how to stop me."

Despite the tiny prickling of panic that was starting to burn in her stomach, Katie's fingers scrabbled across the surface for something else, and they tripped over an empty worked-metal photo frame. She figured it was either new or Naomi had decided to replace the picture in it with a new, more relevant one. She wondered for a second who might have been trapped in the frame before they'd been released, her mum, her dad? But the thought was gone before she picked it up and slammed it against the edge of the wooden bookcase, the small screech of groaning metal piercing the air.

"You must remember that one." She squared up to her sister, trying to look as intimidating as she could in that moment and smacked the frame back on wood again. "I do. It comes back in dreams whether I want it to or not."

Emily made to grab at the frame before she could damage it anymore but Katie swung it out of her reach, and pushed her forcefully away.

"Come on Ems, stop me." The challenge was unmistakeable, and Katie waited, hoping that she had enough experience to cover the hitch in her breathing. Her twin was frozen.

Obviously trying to calm herself, Emily glared at her sister. "I won't do it."

A step forward. "Why not? It's my fault. You can't tell me you weren't thinking that when he left you in that room. In the car." Katie pinned her down with her sharp eyes.

"I...I wasn't exactly thinking straight at that point," said Ems quietly, muscles clenched.

"Doesn't mean you weren't right. I invited him into our house, right. Trashed Panda's pyjama party. I used Freddie to fuck him over." The wavy haired girl spat the words out. "But Little Emily would never do those things, everyone knows that. The golden girl; wouldn't even cross her mind."

Her own mind was telling her to stop, that she was going to go too far but the more difficult it was getting to breathe, the more she wanted to show herself that she could do it. She knew her own defiance too well and used it to bolster herself.

"Shut up."

Opposite her, Emily felt anger building for real now in her chest, her ribs feeling as if they were pushing outwards with the force of it and she held her position a few inches from her twin, veins pounding.

"No; Emily makes love not war. Things happen to her, she doesn't make them happen." Katie laughed harshly and Emily shoved her back a few steps. "I'm warning you, Katie..."

"Poor little victim. He only wanted you because he thought you were me." She had to stop to try and drag in a breath. "...He only thought you were worth something because you have my face. It's the reason everyone thinks you're worth a second look."

"That's a fucking lie."

Heat raged up Emily's bare arms, and she felt goosebumps coming up in response like an army of tiny tumours.

"I'll tell you what's a fucking lie sis. Sweet, prim Emily, that's what. She's not the good girl everyone thinks, she's a killer."

Before she knew what she was doing Emily had swung her arm round and it struck Katie on the side of the face, knocking her off balance.

"Take that back!" screamed Emily, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over and fizzle out on the tide of red hot anger.

"Make me." Spluttered Katie, holding her cheek, her chest constricting.

Emily slammed her back against the wall, knocking out what little air she had in her lungs. Struggling as her younger sister tried to grab her throat, Katie fought to keep some open airways but the colours of the room were starting to run. That's when she felt a fist smash into the middle of her stomach and she collapsed back onto the wall, crumpling down it.

Heaving wildly, she tried to force her legs to get back up, to give her some energy to balance on but they refused, just lay there like thick pieces of lead.

Staring up at the look of feral anger and wild in Emily's eyes she laughed weakly. Most of all she wanted to say sorry, to hold her arms out and grab her sister's arms so she understood what she was trying to show her but for some reason, some unknown reason she just said, "Is that all you've got?"

Emily snapped. Throwing herself at her sister, she fought desperately, aiming her fists at Katie's face, her chest. Landing a full blow on Katie's cheek, she kneed her in the stomach, in the same spot as she had punched her, barely seeing the pain and anxiety sliding over her twin's skin. Screaming she pushed Katie's head back against the wall with a loud crack.

Her eyes shut and she fell limp underneath Emily's body.

Breathing heavily, Emily suddenly realised what she was doing. Reality came crashing in and a wave of revulsion and guilt grappled through her, in the pieces of skin that touched Katie's. With a shaking hand, she reached out and touched her sister's neck, searched for a pulse.

There it was. But she hadn't moved.

_Look what you've done..._ her own mind whispered victoriously.

She wanted to call for Naomi, wanted to shake her sister until she woke up and yelled "Psych" like they used to with the bunk beds but nothing was working clearly in her head. It was filled with indistinct ideas, pointing fingers, and all she could was back away, taking one last look at Katie's puffed up face and then she ran. Out of the room, barely hearing Naomi call her name as she sprinted down the stairs and out of the house.

A little bewildered, Naomi wandered into her bedroom to get some answers off Katie but she stopped when she saw the scene in front of her. The smashed pieces of something and Katie lying against the skirting board.,

"Jesus."

Torn for a moment, she ran over to Katie's prone form and touched her cheek to try and wake her. The girl struggled to open her eyes but managed it after a few seconds. Naomi's chest leapt with relief.

"What the fuck happened?" Naomi took her hand.

Katie smiled weakly, "Just a little discussion, that's all."

"On what?"

"Consequences." Katie shut her eyes again as the room started spinning.

**A/N: Review and no-one will sue...**


	4. Divulgence

**A/N: Sorry everyone, you spotted the mistake! The vicar mentioned Emily before Katie had told him, have now rectified that. Apologies, sloppy work on my part! Thanks for the heads up though.**

**Anyway Fab Fab reviews so far, thanks so much. Esp to Suiceene, as some good constructive points were made about the fic. In response, this is a shorter chapter focused on Katie and how she's feeling about everything. But don't worry Naomily will be reappearing shortly! Hope you enjoy, let me know!**

**DIVULGENCE**

**By HeligenaGirl**

Katie was running out of places to look. Every muscle in her body ached and twisted as she walked around town, darting into the cafes and pubs for any sign of her sister but each one of them burned with her absence. Just filled with everydayers playing out their boring lives, sitting at the wipe down tables. A jay cloth all that was needed.

Her stomach was throbbing and she knew without looking that a massive angry bruise was close to the surface. She thought she'd known what she was doing, had been sure she knew Emily couldn't really hurt her but the rage in her eyes... it had cut into her soul.

There was no way Naomi hadn't seen it. Hadn't been shaken by the sight of her collapsed by the wall but she'd tried to put on a brave face, brush it off. Hadn't thought it would be so difficult; usually it came so naturally. But it was never Ems that she had to stand up to before.

The strange sense of loss seemed to be following her like a shadow. But loss of what?

_Control? Certainty? _

She didn't want the answer and snapped the thought in half before it gripped her fully.

_Fuck introspection. No-one cares why you do things, only what you do._

She'd said that to Ems once, thrown it at her with such ease.

Now it seemed like a fucking joke.

Turning off the street, away from the stares of people huddling under their umbrellas, she wandered onto Colston Parade. The hulking scritching building of St Mary Redcliffe springing up above.

Meandering dejectedly over the grass verge, she stared at the church. It was immense and threatening under the grey clouds. Puncturing the sky with dripping sharp edges

When she peered closer, she could see that the stained glass windows angled upwards. She'd never noticed it before, on the school R.E. trip. Seemed a bit ridiculous; grown builders trying to get closer to God with bricks and other heavy stuff from the earth; no, not ridiculous- futile. Childish. Men trying to seem like they were more than they were in the eyes of someone better.

_Ring any bells?_

Katie felt tears building up behind her eyes and wiped them away angrily.

_You brought him into their lives. Invited him in._

She didn't have the energy to argue, even with her own brain. So she wandered around the dark wall, scuffing her shoes on the uneven stones instead.

"You know technically that's vandalism."

She looked up, brought out of her thoughts by a man sitting on one of the benches. A vicar from the looks of the dark cassock, who appeared to be enjoying a crafty cigarette in the quiet.

"Sorry," she muttered, meaning to walk away. To surround herself with silence. But somehow her feet just wouldn't take instructions; her boots simply sank into the gravel.

"You want one?" He held up a packet of Marlboro's towards her.

She hesitated, "Aren't you supposed to stop people smoking?"

His middle aged, lined face lit up with a guilty smile, "Yeah but what the Vatican doesn't see..."

She crossed her arms, "Yeah but surely God sees it?"

He considered that for a second then shrugged, "Plenty of time to repent later, right?"

She couldn't argue with that one.

Giving in to the overwhelming tiredness of the past few days, she nodded her head and walked over, taking a cigarette off him. Lighting it quickly, she gave him a quick, searching look then sat down on the other side of the bench. Not next to him but not so far away as to be rude.

She stared straight ahead, at the empty carpark and the gatehouse but she wasn't so distracted that she couldn't feel his grey eyes on her. Taking in all the scratches and marks.

"So... been in any fights recently?"

She took a drag, "Been in any choirboys pants recently?"

"Not that I can recall." He replied amiably. "I'm more of a footballers wives kind of man. I like a bit of fake tan."

_Footballer's wives._

A shiver ran through her at the word, and for a second she saw Danny's shadowy face. Staring at her in the car's mirror, resting his disgusting hand on Emily's leg. A sudden wave of nausea bubbled through her veins and she clamped her eyes shut.

"Why didn't you fight back?"

There was kindness in his voice and it made her feel even more out of place somehow.

Katie swallowed the ball of saliva, "Cos I deserved every second of it."

"I doubt that."

"I killed someone."

She said it quietly in the still air. Not sure what to expect.

He was silent for a second then.

"Did you mean to?"

His lack of shock was almost worse than the horror and revulsion she'd expected.

"No...I...No, but I wanted him to..." She sighed, angry that a single tear had escaped down her cheek. "Maybe, I don't know. It's hard to remember."

"Do the police know?"

A hollow laugh burst out of her throat before she could stop it. "Oh yeah. They think we're heroes. All these feminists came out of the woodwork just to write letters saying how proud they were of us."

"Really. Well you know what the church has to say about feminists."

He grinned and she felt a rush of gratitude towards him, as wretched as she felt.

"What did you do with the letters?"

"I burned them in a Quality Street tin in the back garden." She smiled a little herself, at the memory but then it faded again. "Maybe that wasn't the best idea."

She remembered that evening so clearly, on the flagstones of the patio, watching the small spark unfurl and catch on them, the edges. _Look Em, see, one small fire and all of it just goes away. If we burn one piece at a time, we can handle it._

She wished she'd looked closer at her sister's face as she stared into the flames. Maybe she might have seen a sign, had the chance to take that stupid set of words back but she hadn't. She'd just stoked it up and hammered the point home.

_Fucked everything once more just for good measure._

Katie suddenly turned to him, pinning him down with her gaze, "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded so she fortified herself and asked the question that had been buzzing around her head for the last few minutes. "If you invite the devil in, are you responsible for everything else that happens?"

The vicar looked away for a second and in that one moment, she felt her heart sink. He probably thought she was taking the piss. She wasn't entirely sure she wasn't but for some reason, she didn't want him to think that of her.

He coughed. "You know Oscar Wilde said, 'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.'"

She went to say something but was cut off, "...But then he was a tall, gay Irishman so he may not have the answer to everything."

Katie sighed tiredly. "What does that even mean?"

He blinked, as if searching for the right words. "It means... we make mistakes. I do. You do. We never stop making mistakes but, as long as you recognise them as that, then things get better."

She lifted her eyes to his, "Everything's all mixed up. I should be angry but I can't find the energy. It's just not there anymore. And Ems, she's so...full of pain, she can't see outside of it. That she's hurting people with it. "

"Ems?" he asked.

"My sister. This was..." She pointed to her face. "I was trying to help but I think I made it worse. She probably thinks I hate her now." She sniffed, her body starting to shake.

"What if she doesn't come back?"

Resting his wrinkled hand on top of hers, the man commiserated silently.

"...She makes you feel helpless." A look of understanding was beginning to creep under his greying hair and for some strange reason, she felt lighter when she saw it. Just for a moment.

But then a hundred images flicked at the back of her eyes again. The flash of blood on the sweater of someone carrying her. Haziness. Naomi's look of fear as she slid inside the back of the car. The sound of smashing metal.

All she could do was nod miserably.

That was exactly it. Even a stranger could fucking see it.

_Katie Fitch, girl about town. Will bite your head off as soon as look at you and she can't do a damn thing to help her other half. _

"You know, The test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members."

She stared at him cynically and he actually blushed a little.

"Sorry can't help myself. You know I dream in platitudes sometimes. Probably why I can't get a girlfriend." He rubbed his neck, the patch of red and she smiled weakly.

"Or maybe it's the outfit."

He nodded. "Or that."

Pulling another cigarette out of the pack, he offered it to her and she took it gratefully as it began to drizzle again. Lighting it in the small breeze, she stared out at the carpark, wondering where Emily was. If Naomi had had any luck finding her.

She heard the click of the lighter as the man lit his own cigarette and leaned back.

Katie bit her lip, "Can we just...stay like this...for a bit?"

He turned to her with a gentle smile. "Yeah we can."

"Thanks."

He didn't have to say she was welcome. She already knew.

**A/N: Review and Candyman will never get you...**


	5. Intervention

**A/N: Sorry about the mistake in the last chapter guys, hopefully no more of that to come! And thanks everyone for the reviews, so grateful that people are keeping up with the story. Anyway, this is another bit of filler really, had a bit of writers block this week (and not too happy with how it turned out) but it's going to be heading to an explosive showdown if everything goes to plan so stick around.**

**To Dvmcas1: yeah Merv was a real sweetie, he spent ages having his pic taken with loads of drunk people so fair play to him!**

**To Suiceene: You're right about the church, I basically picked it at random and it is Anglican not Catholic. However Anglicans do have choirboys, I looked it up! Cheers for the info though.**

**INTERVENTION**

**By HeligenaGirl**

_What have you done?_

Emily sobbed harder, letting her back press into the brickwork of the alleyway.

It felt good. Solid and unyielding underneath her skin, not like...

_Katie. Fuck._

Her body ached, but somehow not in the places it should. Not on her knuckles where she knew they were red raw and bloodied, but her stomach. Her cheek. Everywhere she'd hit her sister, right down to the centimetre. She could have stuck pins in a map of the human body in all the places she'd hurt her, without looking.

_Pity they wouldn't accept that in a biology exam.._

There weren't any real marks aside from the redness in her face but she could feel them all there, under the skin. Hissing at her. Her and Katie, they'd never had the whole telepathic twin bollocks that seemed to fascinate everyone but right now, her flesh was mocking her with the pressure points.

_What __**have**__ I done?_

She covered her face with her hands, blocking out the cold wind; the only thing that was giving her burning face some relief. The truth was she didn't deserve it.

But wherever her wheeling thoughts went, she just couldn't escape them.

_Like Him. _

She hadn't been able to get away from a drunken perv with a hard on when it had mattered. Hadn't been able to find a way out of a stupid locked room. Emily Fitch had just stood there, open mouthed watching the flames creep across the floor tiles; so much bigger, more powerful than she was.

_What use are you, if you can't even save yourself?_

Emily screwed up her eyes.

And she'd forced Naomi to put herself in danger just to get her out. All the awful things that could have happened danced in front of her eyes as she sat there in the alley. Naomi screaming. Her clothes on fire. Her face...scarred.

_Jesus._

She opened them again to find the same street there, solid as ever. It felt the same way it did when she rested her foot on the floor in bed after drinking too much. Relief trickled through her veins until she stared down at the cheap lighter in her hand.

She flicked the wheel, and watched the flint spark. A single flame- seemed so manageable. She let it flicker against her palm and held it there, gritting her teeth until it hurt so much she had to let go. The red patch of skin winked.

_You couldn't get his hands off you in the car. And his eyes; his disgusting blue eyes that were somehow heavier than his hands._

The tears started again and she hated herself for it, tried to blink them away. She could tell them, it would be easy just to tell Naomi, Katie all of it but the problem was then they'd know. The extent of her uselessness. Her failing.

_And then they'll look at you the way they should. Condescending. With pity._

She couldn't stand even the thought of it.

Suddenly her phone buzzed, a strange sound muffled inside fabric. She pulled it out of her bag warily. But the caller ID wasn't what she'd been expecting at all.

What could she say? Swallowing the saliva pooling in her mouth, she connected the call.

"Emily?" A tinny voice filtered through.

Resting her hand on her knee, she listened groggily to Pandora.

"Panda..." Emily sniffed, wiping her face. "Hey."

"You sound weird, are you all right?"

"Yeah I..."

"...You haven't been out with the gang for a while, thought you might have got bored of us." There was a pause. "Or caught something nasty downstairs you know, that you didn't want to spread."

Emily laughed a little at the sincerity in the girl's voice, despite the heavy pulse in her chest. "Well it's nice that you were thinking of my...uh...situation , Panda. Thanks. But it's nothing like that."

She was glad for the first time that the papers had withheld their identity in the case. 'Three seventeen year old girls' was all that came out in print, anonymous black typeface that kept them safe from phone calls and requests for interviews. Safe from gossip and snide interested looks.

Safe from having to go into details down the pub.

_But not quite safe enough, _her brain whispered.

_Perk up though, now you have a chance to explain, _it whined. _Panda would listen, you know she would._

For some reason, though she couldn't quite get the words out, couldn't conjure them up in the actuality of the street. It would be too real, too hard.

" Effy not with you?" was all that came out.

She got the impression that Panda shrugged but the girl couldn't hide the momentary glum tone that filtered into her voice. "Her mum dragged her out for a girly day; all hula skirts and burlesque dancing, that sort of thing."

"Oh." She said.

"Her mum said I couldn't go, that Effy needs 'parental supervision' to straighten her out"

Emily bit her lip, as a crisp packet blew past her trainer, "Bet she loved that."

_One hundred ways to cramp the style of the carefree,_ she thought.

"So, _are_ you ok?"

She knew she couldn't see her but Emily instinctively lowered her eyes and lied.

"Yeah I'm fine."

There was an angry silence.

"Uh huh...Crazy mad eyed Panda, right."

A little thrown at the sudden harshness, Emily blinked. "Huh?"

"None of you lot are fine. You're all the same; you think I can't see it, don't you, all the looks and the glances that go on. I'm just an airhead, wouldn't understand, yeah?"

Emily had never heard Panda get mad before and she didn't know quite what to say to argue. She _was_ like them, wasn't she. Hiding away on street corners. She scrabbled inside her brain to try and explain herself but it was like wading through sludge.

"That's not what I'm..."

"Yes it is Emily." Panda said plainly.

She was right.

Defeated, Emily sighed, "Sorry."

An awkward silence spread along the line before Pandora spoke again and Emily felt herself shrinking a little.

"You could try telling the truth Em. Might make you feel better."

_Me or you? _

It was an unfair thought but Emily couldn't help it. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she rested her head back, hoping the bricks would cushion the swirling maelstrom of thoughts.

"I don't want to tell the truth." She whispered.

"Why not?" A note of softness crept back into Pandora's Bristolian accent and Emily hoped she could sense her gratitude.

"Because it makes you weak Panda. If people know how you think they know how to hurt you." Emily said tiredly.

There was a crackle on the line.

"No-one would hurt you Em. You inspire protectiveness in people, Effy said so."

_Maybe once._

_Then He inspired madness in me. _

Emily longed all of a sudden for the days when things had been so easy. Certain. When all she had to worry about was if Naomi would pick up the phone. When she could tell her everything and nothing all in one easy, unforced sentence.

Emily stared out at the dirty street.

"Look Ems, you obviously don't want to chat. I should go but I think you're wrong about telling the truth. Give me a ring if you change your mind"

Emily sniffed, "Ok." She wanted to tell Panda to stay on, to just stay with her, but she knew she wouldn't be able to give a good enough reason. So she simply hesitated. "Thanks Panda."

"Take care Ems."

The line disconnected and Emily was alone again. She hadn't realised how much better she'd felt just having another voice there, even if it was a disembodied one on the end of a phone. The chill wind began to sink into her bones again.

And she knew she had to do something to fix things. She stared at the bag slumped by her feet, the handles criss crossing haphazardly.

_Truth or calmness? _She thought despondently.

_Fuck it. Either would be a change. And change is as good as a rest._

She didn't really believe it but the decision was made anyway. Emily delved into her bag and found the box of STUN she'd forgotten to throw into the bin. She never thought she'd be taking them back then; they were just an insult from another stupid doctor.

_Just look at me now, Ma._

She popped four pills out of the foil and hefted them into her hand. Throwing them in her mouth, she chewed them a bit and grimaced as the bitter powder coated her tongue.

Then she waited. For some kind of change. Some kind of epiphany.

The street however stayed level in front of her eyes.

A few minutes passed but she didn't feel any different at all and disappointment coursed through her like acid.

_Still, no turning back now._

Despite the dissatisfaction, she pulled herself up onto her feet, brushed down her skirt and started to walk onto the main shopping parade.

She wasn't sure who to find first. Naomi or Katie; they both deserved so much from her, after everything she'd done, so she simply put one foot in front of the other, ignoring all the jibes burning in her muscles.

Something was going to change. That was all she knew. It had to.

**A/N: Review and I'll make you a brew...**


	6. Precipice

**A/N: Once again great galumping thanks for reviews, appreciate every single one of them. This chapter is sort of all about gaining speed on the downward slope towards the finale now, so hope you keep reading.**

**And let me know any thoughts you might have at the end, would love to know.**

**PRECIPICE**

**By HeligenaGirl**

Naomi's phone beeped as she lay back against her pillow. She clicked to open the text from Emily, her thoughts wheeling.

_Do you think Blue were right?_

That was all it said, in square unemotional text.

_What the hell?_

Confused, she was just about to text back when another beep sounded and the screen flashed neon blue between her fingers.

_I think... it might be the hardest word after all. Will you meet me at The Cooler tonight, I need to make things better. Please?_

There were no gaps in the punctuation, no pauses but she still got the impression that Emily had written and rewritten the text before she'd given up on the perfect words that fit what she wanted to say. Her chest ached at the thought of it and she let her fingertip brush over the screen, as close to touching the words Emily had written as was possible.

It felt like years since they'd just touched each others skin. Just lay on her bed next to each other without some kind of intention, or someone needing reassurance. She wished so much that she was there in her room now, but it was empty as before; the walls simply stared back at her indulgently.

She read through the text again, trying to read the meaning between the lines. But it wasn't forthcoming.

And still despite that, something had changed; she could feel it in the air.

A brief shiver of optimism ran through her fingers as she replied that she'd see her there at eight.

Now all she had to do was find an outfit.

At least that was what she told herself.

Katie jumped as her phone squealed on the wood of the bedside cabinet in her room.

It was from Emily. Steeling herself, she opened up the message.

_I used to be a lunatic, from the gracious days..._

"Huh?" Katie stared down at the sentence uncomprehendingly. She recognised the lyrics- No More I Love You's, Annie Lennox; one of the tracks that used to be played in the car on family holidays but she didn't quite know what to make of it.

They'd used to pretend that they were the male ballerinas in the video and put crazy make up on each other in the back seat but they hadn't listened to it in years.

Uncertainly, she hit reply and typed in what she was sure was the next line.

_I used to be woebegone and restless night. _Hit send.

She'd only replied a few seconds before her phone's high pitched whine sounded in her palm. She opened it...

_My aching heart would bleed for you to see_

_But now...._Emily hadn't even waited to see if she'd text back the second line. Just went ahead,

For some reason, the thought made her feel a little better.

"What are you doing Ems?" She muttered to herself and scrolled through the options to dial the number. But pre-empting her, another message dropped into her inbox.

_Will you come to The Cooler tonight? I need... to try and explain whats going on inside my head, and I think I need to see what I did. Inside and out, right? Emsy Shum._

Part of Katie wanted to say no. Ask why it always had to come down to what Emily needed lately. She was the one who had the shit kicked out of her. Another part of her started to feel the familiar tendrils of panic unfurl at the thought of being out, everyone looking at her face, at all the marks on it. Whispering behind their hands, wondering what kind of girl got into that sort of situation. She was angry that Emily would ask her to do that, show herself in public but another piece of her mind desperately wanted to see her sister had to say. To understand; make sure she wasn't completely lost.

Blowing out a lungful of air, Katie picked up her phone and texted that she'd see her there.

She just hoped she wasn't letting hopefulness blind her to something terrible that might be coming.

Grabbing an armful of potential outfits from the wardrobe, she grabbed her keys and headed out onto the pavement.

It hadn't taken her long to get Naomi's and the blonde hadn't seemed to mind her getting ready there. She couldn't even say why she'd gone there instead of staying at home, but the warm messy room seemed to breathe with something that made her feel more composed these days.

_Solidarity, _her brain whispered.

She ignored it and brushed some concealer over her cheek.

"You know you're getting pretty good at that." The taller girl rifled through her drawers for some tights as she said it.

Katie smiled, "At covering bruises, yeah it's a lifeskill." Pulling the straps of her sequinned back and grey dress up onto her shoulders, she peered over a little uncomfortably.

"Does this go together?"

Naomi stopped. "Do you really want to know what I think?"

Katie looked Naomi up and down for a second and grimaced. "No."

"Then it looks lovely."

Naomi grinned as Katie harrumphed and starting undoing the zipper on the back of her dress. "And I have a fabulous selection of neckerchiefs to accessorize with. You only have to ask."

She didn't have to turn round to know Katie was rolling her eyes. She could practically hear it. Sighing as a pang of guilt flushed through her, Naomi bit the inside of her cheek as she grabbed a pair of blue tights.

"You look great, Katie," she acquiesced. "Subtle but alluring."

"Thanks." Came the quiet reply.

"But could you not call me alluring, people might hear."

Naomi caught herself before she said something she'd regret and slipped on her own striped asymmetric top as she began searching her wardrobe for the skirt that went with it. She brushed past the rows of hangers with some force.

"Is it weird that I'm nervous about tonight?"

Naomi took the moment to stare at Katie's refracted expression in the mirror. She didn't think it was weird at all.

"Things have been pretty unpredictable lately." She paused. "I'd be worried if you weren't."

The redhead caught her eye, "Do you think she's figured some stuff out?"

"I hope so." _More than that. She has to._

Naomi remembered the old way Emily used to look at her- with softness in her eyes, curiosity. Kindness. If she could just see that again, she would trade everything she had.

Lost in thought, she watched as Katie lightly traced the fresh bruise at the corner of her mouth and felt the now familiar sensation of being torn between twin desires. To make sure Katie knew for certain that Emily hadn't meant the things she'd done and to impress on Emily how much she'd hurt her sister. How much she was hurting everyone. It was all in such disarray. Somehow her loyalties seemed to have meshed together into one big gelatinous mess and she couldn't seem to separate them, make sense of them.

"Maybe she found someone to talk to."

Naomi was glad of the slight note of optimism in Katie's voice that mirrored her own, but couldn't help smiling a little cynically, "Who?"

"A stranger, I don't know. Someone."

"She can't even talk to us Katie, how's she going to open up to some weirdo off the street?"

For some reason Katie stared down at her bare feet, her shoes lying beside her, tangled up. "Just a thought I guess."

Naomi got the strangest impression that she'd just insulted Katie in some way but she couldn't see how. She shrugged, "I think we need to stay grounded you know. Start small."

_Baby steps, _thought Katie._ What a stupid fucking phrase._

The ever-burning anger that lay under her skin started to bubble.

She turned a little before she could stop herself, eyes flashing in the edge of the mirror. "How can you be so calm when my sister's channelling the guy from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"

"Leatherface."

"Fuck you!"

The blonde blew out through her teeth, "His name was Leatherface, Katie. And she's not channelling him, all right. Jesus."

Naomi slid her arms into her black waistcoat, and started buttoning it. "Besides, there's a difference between acting calm and being calm."

"Did they teach you that in the kibbutz?" Katie muttered.

"Do you even know what a kibbutz is?"

The blonde locked blue eyes with reflected brown ones, daring them to take it further in some way.

"Your buttons in the wrong hole."

_Fuck. _Naomi peered down at herself.

"Sounds like a metaphor if you ask me." Katie cocked her head, then went back to straightening her hair.

Naomi knew the redhead was trying to undermine her nerves; there was obvious strain in the muscles of the twins face. She knew she shouldn't rise to the bait, just let everything wash over her but the longer time ticked on, the harder it was getting. It was already quarter to eight and her own worries were leeching out of the skin on her arms.

"She's bottling it up, it's not good for her," said Katie as Naomi brushed down her clothes, counting quietly to herself to gather all her strength.

All the blonde could do was shake her head, "Is it so different from what we're doing right now?"

Katie finally turned to face her fully, a note of defiance in her stance. "We're talking about what happened."

"We're not really though are we? You haven't asked me why I left you unconscious in the car. Why I didn't do more in that stupid fucking police cruiser." Naomi swallowed. "We're all guilty of it whether or not we're going to admit it."

Neither of them said anything then, Katie didn't even move. She couldn't argue. How could she, it would have been a lie and Naomi would have seen straight through it. They both stood there, awkwardly.

Enough agreement in silence it seemed.

"So you about ready?" Katie finally broke the quiet.

Naomi nodded, trying to conceal her anxiety.

With that they headed towards the door and made onto the street. The short walk was done in comfortable silence, the only sound coming from passing traffic. The number 34 bus came soon enough as they waited at the bus-stop, ignoring a trio of lairy teenagers pushing each other onto the road. And then after a ten minute ride with the old biddy's brigade, they got off on the main road in the city centre and headed down the slope of the hill.

There was a queue outside the neon sign of the club and they had to stand in line for fifteen minutes before the bouncer waved them in. Almost an hour later than they'd said.

Both wondered what Emily might be thinking about that.

Taking their first step into the dark, smoky hallway Naomi glanced over at her companion.

"You ready for this?"

"Not even slightly," she replied, taking in the throng of revellers clotting around the cloakroom.

_Me either, _thought Naomi. But she didn't say it.

**A/N: Review and you'll never get swine flu...**


	7. Purge

**A/N: Reviewers you are awesome and now immunized against swine flu because I love you so much. Here's the next instalment; things are starting to come to a head so for all you sticking with me, hope you enjoy a bit of drama. I know I do!**

**Any thoughts, likes, dislikes- would love to hear them.**

**PURGE**

**By HeligenaGirl**

They spotted Emily almost immediately. She cut a distracting figure, sat alone on a stool at the bar, her back to them. Unlike everyone else in there she was dressed mostly in blacks and greys; a dark spot amongst the tacky carousel of colours and movement on the dance floor. Not so obvious that anyone might take offence but different enough that she had apparently created an unconscious exclusion zone around her. A foot of space that even the jostling, brassy crowd of teenagers at the bar kept away from.

"What do you think?" Katie whispered.

Naomi stared at Emily's slightly hunched back, "I lost the ability to think about thirty seconds ago."

"If we both go over there, she's gonna think we're tag-teaming her." The twin caught Naomi's eye. "And not in a good way."

Trouble was, she was right. The blonde was a little surprised at the red-haired girl's foresight but she urged her muscles not to show it.

They watched as Emily's bag slipped a little off her right shoulder, as if it were weighed down and she dragged the leather strap back onto her shoulder; sheltered, safe, in its rightful place.

_Maybe she keeps all her secrets in it. _The notion burst into Naomi's mind before she had time to conjure it up. _Maybe that's why we can't get to them._

Emily's red hair was pushed back behind her ears, the way she tidied it when she woke up in the mornings and couldn't find a hair band. It'd been so long since she'd seen that.

_Christ. _Naomi almost wished she hadn't been joking about losing the ability to form thoughts.

"Please don't space out on me now."

She heard the quiet plea come from beside her. Katie. Guilt surged through her spine and she used all her energy to bring herself back to reality, back to the scene in front of them.

Naomi took a hard breath.

"Look, you should go...she probably has more to say to...about...you know..."

She didn't know why, the words just wouldn't come out. It was a true statement and she knew exactly what she meant to say, yet somehow she hadn't expected the flash of selfish pain and stupid betrayal that came with it. All she wanted to do was walk over there and make sure Ems was all right.

She had a sudden blinding image of Emily turning around to show them that she'd sewn her mouth up tight and her flesh crawled at the idea.

Naomi tried again. "I mean...she'll want to..."

Want to what though? Explain. Apologize? Her voice seemed to have come unstuck, everything she wanted to say sat on her tongue with short stubby limbs. And while she was searching for the words she completely forgot herself; couldn't help staring at Katie's bruises in the broken flashes of light. Purple one second and golden the next.

Everything seemed so unreal and fantastical it was hard to keep focused. Every few seconds the disco balls above shattered the lights into blinding shards and every time it felt as if they were catching on her skin.

"If it was me, I think I'd want to build up to the whole 'sorry I fucked you up' conversation." Said Katie.

"Would that be just a guess on your part?"

_Fuck. _Naomi mentally kicked herself.

There was a flash of something in Katie's eyes; a second where she looked stung but she recovered her momentum almost immediately. "Something like that."

"So you think I should..." said Naomi.

"Yeah. " Katie blinked. "I'll just go check out the smoking garden for a bit shall I?"

Naomi looked down at her and got the strangest impression the usually domineering twin was asking her for some kind of permission. Disconcerting as it was, Naomi nodded uncertainly and gave her a small grateful smile.

She watched as Katie seemed to take whatever it was she was after and started walking off into the clot of people on the dance floor.

"Hey."

She heard Katie's voice over the din and turned back.

"Doesn't make me a coward, though."

".... No, it doesn't." She shouted back.

Then the redhead was gone, obscured by a mass of revellers.

Naomi took a deep breath, herding the butterflies in her stomach and headed to the bar.

"So...How much flesh do I have to show to get you stop staring into that shot glass?"

Emily barely turned but it was obvious from her posture that she'd realised Naomi was standing next to her.

"Do you know what one of the worst parts was?" Emily blankly ran her fingertip around the rim of the small glass. "I couldn't see you; all I could get was glimpses in the rear-view mirror. You didn't look right. It was like your reflection was broken or something, the bits didn't fit quite right."

The crowd behind them chanted as the DJ turned up the speakers.

But Emily was strangely calm; calmer than the blonde girl had seen her in weeks. Subdued almost, despite the thumping heartbeat of the track that splintered through the wooden floor.

"How many of those have you had?"

The butterflies coalesced in her chest.

Emily breathed in quietly. "None actually." She pushed the tumbler an inch away from her with her fingertip. "Don't know whose glass this is. Could be one of a hundred peoples...and now I guess I have their germs"

It should have reassured Naomi that Emily wasn't drinking, the idea had been playing on her mind the whole way there but the new, vacant expression on the girl's face was sending giggling waves of worry through her system.

"Em have you taken something?"

"Just...I took a few of those pills the doctor gave me."

Naomi frowned, "I figured those were mostly placebos."

"Yeah, apparently not." The redhead pursed her lips. "Score one for the NHS."

_She's talking. It's what you wanted isn't it._

Naomi knew she should be glad, just go with her girlfriend's newfound talkativeness whatever the reason. The butterflies were forming patterns in her lungs but she ignored them and did her best to marshal herself.

"It was probably just the light."

Emily glanced over, confusion on her face.

"The reflection. Probably just the light."

A sliver of purple illumination washed over them.

Emily nodded distractedly. "Yeah. Probably." She grimaced for a second. "Except..."

"Except?" asked Naomi softly, leaning against the bar.

Emily's face sank.

"Except, when I looked in the bathroom mirror the morning after, my face, it was just like that." She stroked the edge of a wet patch on the dark wood. "Do you think reflections show us things we shouldn't see..."

Naomi felt her chest constricting at the raw pain in Emily's face. Doused in the jerking lights of the club, her face only seemed comfortable, less drawn when the odd wave of shadow fell from the disco ball and the thought sliced right through her.

Reaching her hand out, she let it rest gently on the back of the redhead's neck.

The smaller girl stiffened, "I'm sorry; I know we came here to get over all this. I should be shutting up right about now."

"Don't be sorry for telling me how you feel. Ever." It came out more aggressively than she'd planned. And Naomi was disgusted that she couldn't disguise the plaintive note in her own voice. Somewhat fortunately though the hypnotic drumbeat vibrating through the air shattered the sound into pieces as soon as it was out.

Naomi smiled weakly, "Anywhere, anytime. Thems the rules, right."

"I love you so much," the smaller girl whispered sorrowfully, gazing at the glass. "I have all these stupid things elbowing each other inside my head, it's hard to keep track."

But before the blonde could respond, could reassure her that she was on the right path Emily suddenly swung herself round to face her girlfriend with a new intensity. Her eyes burned into blue.

"I don't...what I mean is...when did I become the Gingerbread house?"

"Huh?" Naomi shook her head with confusion and the redhead dropped her eyes again.

"This whole mess. When he...I couldn't quite work out how...the trail of breadcrumbs, somehow you followed it. You found me." There was a sense of wonder in her tone that leant her an old innocence; one that was so achingly familiar to her girlfriend but then her face fell, dispelling the illusion. "You shouldn't have put yourself at risk."

"But you're so sweet and nutritious," smiled the blonde.

"Naomi..."

"Em," Naomi brushed her fingers against her soft face, unable to remain dispassionate observer anymore. "When have I ever not done the things I shouldn't. If the window hadn't smashed, I would have kicked the door in. And if the door was solid I would have...fucking...rappelled down the ventilation system from the roof. That's just the way it is."

She couldn't quite bring herself to believe that Emily didn't know that already but she angled the girls face upwards with her palm so that she could see the truth in her eyes.

"I keep having these dreams. You're lying there instead of me and your hair..." Emily, almost mesmerized touched the tips of the blonde fringe in front of her. "...it was the first thing that caught. And then your skin. I couldn't stand it."

She shrugged, her grey cardigan rubbing against Naomi's fingers. "I had to know what that would have felt like."

Naomi suddenly remembered the burn mark on Emily's palm and was hit with the realisation that she'd gotten it trying to pat out a flame that she'd started on a clump of hair. Trying to inject the real world, real pain into the awful fears in her head.

She couldn't hold back any longer. It was too hard. Naomi leant over and pulled Emily into a hug, completely enveloping her in her arms. So she could feel her skin against hers, see that it was unblemished. Unharmed.

"You don't have to be afraid, Ems." She murmured. "You don't need to prove anything."

_God Naomi hoped that was true_.

For the first time in a long time, she allowed herself to just feel Emily's body in her arms. It felt incredible. Warm and familiar; almost more than she could bear.

"So, does this make you Hansel or Gretel?" came a muffled voice from beneath her hair.

Naomi held back her first real grin, "Well I do look exceptionally sexy in lederhosen. It's been remarked on in highbrow circles."

"I don't doubt it." Emily chuckled a little against her neck and the taller girl found to her surprise that it felt just as amazing to laugh again. To be stupid and trivial. She hadn't even noticed how much she'd missed such ridiculously inconsequential things.

"Maybe I could show you when we get home."

Emily pulled back a little and couldn't help giggling as the blonde hitched her skirt up and pretended to pull on a pair of invisible braces.

"Such promises." Emily murmured, staring at her.

Out of nowhere, the piercing blue eyes of her companion lit up with something that looked a lot like bravery.

"Well, since we're indulging our inner pervertedness...would you dance with me?"

Naomi stood up straight and held her hand out, trying to cover her nervousness with a crooked smile.

She didn't know why it was so important but she had the feeling that if Emily turned her down, everything they'd just said would have been next to worthless.

And she froze as Emily hesitated for a second.

But then to the blonde's all encompassing relief she slipped her hand inside the waiting one.

"Come on then. Jesus would want us to dance."

They left the bar behind. Making their way onto the dance floor, amidst the juddering chaos, it occurred to Naomi that Ems hadn't asked once about Katie but she instinctively put the thought to the back of her mind as Emily started swaying to the beat. A little stiffly at first but then freely, appreciatively.

Dancing alongside, Naomi watched her for a moment, breathlessly, and if she was being honest, a little hopefully as the track merged into another and they were pushed together. Moving close to each other, they placed their arms on each others shoulders and danced, finally enjoying the semblance of closeness they'd found in the middle of a shambling bunch of strangers.

Strange how these things work.

Emily looked up for a second and caught Naomi watching her and the blush when she realised she was busted. The twin smiled at her then, a full smile.

An old smile.

Comfortable.

In fact, Naomi was just about to reach over and stroke her beautiful face when she heard a cold, bitter voice ring out behind them, loud enough to weigh over the music.

"Which one of you two killed my brother?"

With a sinking sensation, everything moving in slow motion, she watched as Emily pushed forward, barely breaking her smile as she tried to get a better view of the voice's owner.

Naomi's jaw physically dropped as Emily warmly held out her hand to the speaker.

"That was me, sorry about that. Can I buy you a drink?"

**A/N: Review and I'll cook you a stew...**


	8. Tables Turned

**A/N: Hey guys and reviewers, big spangly shoes for all of you, you should know by now how much each review makes my day. Anyway here's the next chapter. Had a bit of block with this one and not too happy with how it turned out to be honest but fingers crossed you still enjoy. Thoughts appreciated as ever.**

**TABLES TURNED**

**By HeligenaGirl**

"What are you doing?" hissed Naomi.

The sound was lost in the churning beat but her pulse accelerated with it.

"What did you say?"

The dark haired girl stared incredulously at the pair of them, caught in amongst the shuffling, hedonistic mass of people cluttering up the dance floor.

Naomi swallowed hard.

Just what they needed, _someone else's prying eyes dissecting them. When they'd actually started getting somewhere..._

Emily hadn't answered her. She looked over worriedly to see something new flickering in her eyes under the flashing lights. Something that caught Naomi's attention. Some sort of conflict and the blonde knew in a strange way that she shouldn't expect an answer.

It was all she could do to keep focus in the dark neon air. A second before, she'd been relaxed, letting her body move next to her girlfriends, nothing more complicated than that. And now without warning adrenaline was mainlining through her spine, coursing into her neck.

Enough to make the wooden dance floor jig under her feet.

Before she knew what she was doing though, her body had moved itself so that she was standing almost in front of Emily. Blocking even a partial piece of her from the girl's eye line. A girl who stood there, her face alive with bitterness and venom that sat in the cracks along with her foundation.

"I want you to say that again."

She prayed that Emily stayed quiet, pierced by the irony of the thought.

It was disconcerting though, how little the brown haired teenager looked like Danny physically. And yet there was still something familiar in her stance, behind the sparkling strappy top and the boots. Before all this, Naomi could imagine her swaggering along the pavement, riding gracefully on her brother's local fame, catching her heels on it. Living the easy life.

Naomi put her hands up, "She didn't say anything, ok? You must have misheard. We don't want any trouble."

"...You murdered my brother and you want to buy me a drink?"

"They're half price." Mumbled Emily from behind the blonde's shoulder. "...it's Happy Hour."

_For fucks sake._

"Em!" Naomi glanced at her girlfriend trying to convey to her the seriousness of the situation but the brown eyes stared back if not uncomprehending then unconcerned.

Naomi wrote a mental reminder never to let Emily take any pills ever again.

Outwardly though she shook her head anxiously, "Em, you really need to shut up."

The redhead swayed a little, "...Yeah well so does your face."

Naomi cursed silently.

_Those must be some quality drugs._

"Say that again, Red. Say it to my face."

The dark-haired girl hadn't broken eye contact with Emily and the undisguised hatred in her pupils actually made Naomi take a step back, just to put an inch of space between them.

She heard a quiet voice behind her then.

"Think what you could do if you didn't have to protect me."

Caught in the middle, the desperation in the twin's words sent a shard of ice through Naomi's chest and she turned to glance at her girl. All she wanted to do was grab her hand and take her away from here but she knew she couldn't comfort her without moving position. Without leaving her exposed.

_Christ, where's Katie when you need her._

Naomi scanned the room for any sign of the other twin, a friendly face, anything to bolster her confidence. But she simply wasn't anywhere to be found. It was just the two of them on the dance floor, and Naomi was left wondering why it was that everything came with a price.

Just an hour ago she would have given anything for Ems to open up...

There was a spark of movement in her peripheral vision.

Danny's sister suddenly took a step to the right, as if to push her way past to get to Emily but just in time Naomi stopped her with a firm hand on her shoulder.

Dark burning eyes settled on her, "So you don't deny that you killed him."

Naomi stared into the girl's pupils, trying desperately not to flinch. "It isn't what you think."

Except that it was. She remembered the sensation of grabbing his thick wrist, digging her nails into it to hold him in place. Katie had done the same, putting all their weight into it just to hold him. Stop him from touching Emily, from grabbing the gear stick, taking them somewhere else. Somewhere more secluded, where he could finish what he started.

The tiniest sliver of memory made her feel sick.

"And you with all your world weariness and omnipotence know what I think do you?"

"I..." She was momentarily distracted by a hand slipping inside her own from behind. Emily.

The girl hadn't clocked it.

"It's Naomi right? Let me ask you something Naomi. Have you ever had to identify a body in the mortuary?" She smiled strangely. "It's a strange experience; they lay it out for you as if it was a fucking red carpet you can just tiptoe along, basking in the neon glow of being some kind of celebrity. They're all waiting for your opinion, ready to hang off your every word. Except then you have to look at the lifeless body of someone that you love. How would you feel about that?"

An image of the smeared window flashed in front of the blonde, the bin bouncing off it harmlessly with Emily inside, and a globular mixture of guilt and anger shot through her.

"What do you want?" Naomi replied as forcefully as she could. "You know what he did."

"He didn't do anything! He was a little handy with his fingers. Danny was a tactile guy." The girl said furiously, squaring up to the taller girl. "He tackled men to the ground for a fucking career."

Naomi laughed then. Couldn't help it.

"Are you kidding me? Did it escape your attention that your brother was a fucking psycho?"

The fist came out of nowhere and Naomi didn't have time for conscious thought before she hit the dirty scuffed floor, her lip throbbing and her hipbone jarring as she landed on it.

"Naomi!" Small mercies; the action seemed to cut through Emily's haze and she started towards her girlfriend but Danny's sister had already stepped forward, through the oblivious throng and she grabbed her throat in a chokehold, cutting off her air supply.

"I read your statements. I see what you are, what you did."

"It was weakness..." spluttered the redhead, trying to take in a breath.

"You dress up as the girl that broke my brother's heart. You get his attention with your cheap short skirt and high heels and then once you've reeled him in, you drag your friends in to your little scheme."

Naomi coughed painfully on the floor.

"His face...in the mirror...you didn't see..." Emily scratched out but the girl tightened her grip.

"So your little scooby gang follow you, making out that he took you hostage or whatever." She squeezed her wrist as her lip curled upwards. "If the feminists could see you now."

"He..." She couldn't get any further. The redheads face was burning up with the effort of trying to speak but the blonde noticed with alarm that she hardly struggled at all; she just seemed to be letting it all happen.

Naomi wasn't sure if she'd ever been more afraid in her life.

She didn't understand why no-one had noticed what was going on, how they could just keep dancing but then she focused on a few of the blurring faces. Most of their eyes were closed and the others who had theirs open were barely aware of anything.

She felt her heart sink. Everyone in there was on something.

"You're disgusting, you know that."

The girl suddenly spat in Emily's face. But it was almost as if she hadn't noticed; for some reason Emily barely moved and simply stared back sadly, uncomfortably.

Naomi frantically tried to pull herself up but her leg didn't seem to want to take any weight and she collapsed back down again.

"Christ Em, defend yourself...."

The girl flicked her eyes down the floor, as she held Emily in front of her. "And you! You drive a car head-on into his, cut his sodding head open, leaving him unconscious and bleeding in the middle of the road, so you can run off and get your story straight with this bitch."

"That's not what happened." Groaned Naomi below.

"People see what they want to see," whispered the red-head painfully.

Naomi shot a despairing glance at her. "Fucks sake Em, this isn't the time."

She 'd never wanted Katie to walk in so much in her life. Maybe that would spark some kind of response in the twin. They'd been so terrified that Emily would let her anger overtake her earlier, it'd never occurred that they might need it.

She'd never felt so fucking short-sighted.

Just as she was about to try and pull herself up again, the girl pulled her arm back, letting go and Emily stumbled a little drawing in hard, painful breaths a metre away.

Naomi locked eyes with her, to ask if she was all right and Emily nodded imperceptibly. Even though it was a small action, Naomi felt a smooth burst of relief when she saw it. She noticed then Emily inching towards her, one tiny step then another while she pushed at the backs of the revellers around them.

" Oh but that's not enough is it. You can't just leave it at that, I mean he's still breathing. So you have to take it all the way."

A loud cheer went up from the crowd as the DJ sent a shout out.

_Fuck this. _She'd had enough.

Sensing Emily getting closer surreptitiously, Naomi levered herself up onto her knees with sheer frustration, "Listen, we nearly lost everything because of your pervert of a brother."

A swift kick to her side knocked the temporary bout of resistance out of her though and she was faced with an angry leer.

"I lost the only person I ever knew who accepted me for who I am. Nearly makes all the difference, doesn't it?"

Emily's movements stopped as soon as she heard it. And Naomi saw that same tinge of conflict in her eyes, as she watched helplessly from the floor.

The blonde was desperately trying to come up with some way out but the problem was her brain seemed to be spinning with images. Orange flashing lights reflecting off concrete. Flickering bursts of neon overhead. The multitude of shuffling feet seemed to be skipping over the wooden floor near her face, and the vibration was breaking coherent thought into pieces.

She didn't want to hear anymore. It was too much, there were too many things swirling around her head. She should be protecting Emily, she should be listening to her but...

She felt another kick land on her ribs and curled up on the dirty floor.

"Naomi!"

"No," thought the blonde but it was too late; Emily had already gotten the girl's attention again. Stepping over Naomi's wracked body, Danny's sister pushed her sleeves up and walked the few paces over to where Emily was standing

"Emily...defend yourself!"

Naomi suddenly saw something glinting in the girl's right hand and her muscles filled up with ice water.

"Emily, fight!" She yelled as she tried to drag herself along the floor.

But Emily just stood there, unmoving inside the dancing crowd.

**A/N: Review and you'll never be made into glue...**


	9. Experiments

**A/N: Thank you thank you lovely reviewers. Bit of an interlude here and a nod to Suiceene and a few others who pointed out that bouncers would have intervened with what was going on around the dance floor. It was one of my problems with the chapter but this shows what Katie's up to as she heads outside, before everything kicks off inside. Hope it answers some questions and the timeline doesn't get confusing.**

**Please feel free to let me know your thoughts. **

**EXPERIMENTS**

**By HeligenaGirl**

**A few minutes before-**

_Do it. _A disembodied voice inside her brain hissed the mantra so loudly, she glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed.

_Do it._

Tapping the square toe of her boot on the damp flagstones, Katie Fitch watched the small clumps of people in the beer garden congeal for a moment into one large group; a few stragglers making small talk with acquaintances then, without any kind of signal she could see, they separated again into their insular little herds. Odd ones lighting up a cigarette when the mood took them.

It all seemed so easy. Unspoken.

She'd felt like that not so long ago. She'd just strolled into these places and tracked uncomplicated shoeprints on the floor.

_Do it, you pussy._

Pushing back her shoulders, she chugged down the dregs of her Bacardi and balanced the glass on the lip of the brick wall to her left. The latticework above it hummed with the vibrations from inside and she wondered for a fleeting moment if Naomi had gotten Emily to open up, even a little.

She hoped so. Sort of.

Before she could stop it, that familiar dull sensation of betrayal leaked out across her lungs again and it was all she could do to keep from touching the bruises across her ribs, her neck. She could have palmed it off as some sort of exercise in vanity but in reality she wanted to make sure they existed, make sure she hadn't just dreamt the whole thing up as a cheap way to distract herself.

From her own shit.

She couldn't deny it sounded like something she'd do, given the right circumstances.

_Except Katie Fitch found a glitch._

Katie leant against the wall as she worked up the courage to implement her plan. The jangling butterflies were already circling in her stomach and it struck her as odd that the faded pink and yellow cracked paving slabs somehow seemed even dirtier with the thin layer of rain that soaked into them. Not quite as dirty as her soul though.

God, she wished more than anything she had the old Em there with her.

She wouldn't even have had to speak, just exist side by side, with the same childhood memories tiptoeing around in both their heads. Even if Emily hated the place and Katie loved it or vice versa.

Didn't make much sense when she thought about it logically, but standing there, wondering what was going on inside there was nothing else she wanted so much in her whole life.

Her throat scratched as she tried to clear it.

She hated having a dry mouth but couldn't go to the bar yet.

She hated not having a drink. She seemed to hate a lot of things but there was only one thing she hated more than weakness. Platitudes to explain weakness.

The problem was her mind seemed to be circling around a single quote Mr Morris had told them in R.E a month ago.

_We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a __shadow__ that never leaves._

Emily had looked at her a little shyly, from the seat next to JJ and she'd pretended to not even be listening to the teacher prattle on about Buddha or Shiva or whatever hairy fat-bellied freak they were talking about.

But she had heard. Had seen Ems hurt when she hadn't looked back.

_Stupid fucking platitudes. _

Except it said exactly what she wanted back.

Just then a short girl with glasses started cackling across from her and for the first time Katie felt tears beginning to build behind her eyes. She blinked them away angrily.

_Fucks sake._

She picked up her glass again to see if there were a few drops left but it was a forlorn hope.

"_Look Em, see, one small fire and all of it just goes away."_

_Jesus_. She didn't even remember feeling like it was a lie. Katie felt her throat constricting and swallowed hard, as if that would stop it.

"_If we burn one piece at a time, we can handle it."_

She watched as another girl with long, straight blonde hair flicked a lighter and her roll-up caught flared for a second then dropped back into a dim glow. Self-contained fire.

_Chicken-shit..._

Katie couldn't stand it anymore. Couldn't stand her own taunts. Walking quickly through the throng of people, she kept her eyes locked on the bouncer in the thick black coat, standing arms at his sides next to the fire exit.

Drawing on all of her bravery, hands beginning to shake a little Katie stopped right in front of him.

"Uh, hi."

He glanced down at her without expression as she looked for a name badge.

"Hi... Dylan." She took in his disinterested face and tried to push her fluttering stomach muscles down with a wrist. "Um I was wondering if you had a light."

_Lame! _Screamed her head. _Progress, _whispered her skin.

She pulled a cigarette out of her handbag and held it up, as if that would make her seem any less of a crazy person in amongst the throng of people enjoying their cocktails with casual ease. The bouncer, a tall faintly handsome muscular guy with a flat crew cut stared at her for a moment and she felt her chest beginning to tighten under her top. Her face start to burn with the effort of staying cool and calm when all she wanted to do was run.

_Oh God. _

She was within seconds of walking away again, not even bothering to think up a weak excuse when something in him must have relented because he reached inside his coat and pulled out a chunky Zippo lighter. He pressed it into her palm and Katie smiled gratefully. Trying not to notice the wariness in his stance.

"Keith would like that, he's into all that early seventies bollocks."

"Huh?"

He pointed to her asymmetric Credence Clearwater Revival t-shirt and she looked down with a quiet smile.

"Keith?" She frowned as she took a quick drag, a little put out that he hadn't at least lied and said he was the one into it.

"Front door." He motioned to his badge and she remembered the burly bald headed bouncer who had let them into the club.

"Oh." Katie nodded uncomfortably, trying to control her breathing.

_Lame!_

"So, can I ask you something?"

Her pulse quickened as she stared back at him worriedly. "Sure."

He folded his arms over his chest, "There must be twenty guys out here who have a light; why ask me?"

She hadn't expected him to be so direct and it threw her off.

When she took a second to think about it, it made sense, him being in security but for all that, with all the lies on her tongue, Katie didn't know what to say. The fluttering in her insides had migrated to her wrists and just seemed to block any coherent things she could come up with.

Staring at the rusting iron step behind him, she could feel him waiting, his eyes flicking between her and the crowds around them; as ever. Katie gave up and glanced over sheepishly.

"It was kind of a test."

He at least had thee grace to look surprised at that one.

She stared at her shoes, "I've been having a bit of trouble with...uh...I wanted to see if I could handle being with a...talking to a guy... again."

She mentally rolled her eyes at her own ineloquence and snuck a look around to see if anyone had overheard. No-one seemed to be paying attention but she leant in closer anyway and lowered her voice.

"I've been having these sort of...panic attacks I guess. It's like I can't breathe and then it's as if someone's sitting on my chest. Sounds stupid, right?"

She expected laughter but when she looked there was nothing but sympathy in his green eyes.

"Did someone hit you?" he asked softly.

Katie's head flew up in shock for the second time. "I...Not...Something like that."

All the air seemed to have escaped her and she suddenly felt drained. Exposed and drained. This hadn't been part of the plan at all.

"You're safe in here, you know that don't you. We won't let him in if you give us his name." Dylan smiled warmly at her and she felt a rush of appreciation for his kindness.

She crossed her own arms, "Is that even legal?"

He laughed again. "Just between you and me," He leant in, "Fuck legal."

Katie smiled then, a proper smile for the first time that night.

"Thanks but he can't hurt us...me, anymore." She corrected.

If Dylan read more into that than she offered, he didn't give anything away. He simply shook his head in the crisp air. "Still...Bastard."

He reached out, and for a moment Katie wondered how many pieces of protocol he was breaking as he took her hand gently.

"You still feel nervous?"

She squeezed his hand a little as she breathed out. "No, actually. Not anymore"

"Anxious?"

"Nope."

"Any chest pains?"

Katie waited for a moment just to check then shook her head. "Not one."

Drawing her in a little closer, his lips turned up a little, "Breathless?"

Katie kept her face straight although in truth she desperately wanted to grin, "Maybe ...a little breathless. "

Dylan stared into her eyes then.

"What do you say we get Karen to watch the front for a few minutes and we get Keith out here, make sure you're feeling properly safe before you head off to the bar?"

Katie shrugged but inwardly her whole body was tingling with a weird mixture of pride and elation. She'd passed the test. If she could spend even a few minutes with two guys at the same time, no-one could say she was broken anymore, could they. She'd done it.

Dylan winked at her, sensing her appreciation and pulled out his walkie-talkie.

After all, it couldn't do any harm could it?

**A/N: Review and the Sun won't print topless pics of you...**

**(unless you want that sort of thing in which case they will...)**


	10. 10Reflections

**A/N: Reviewers are awesome. Readers are awesome. We all know this but I like to say it so everyone knows how much they're appreciated. But esp big buggly things to kreia, xMullyMoose15x, Miss Peg, Jazy Girl, xoxoxo, skinsfan2, Suiceene, ApathyandEmpathy, raichu-xyz, fabfairy, ****mevsmaradonavselvis****, dvmcas1, EmsyShumDoo, and Artemis-malvoti, who consistently read and review with great praise and constructive ideas.**

**Yo- in regards to your review; you seem like a fairly angry person but I appreciate anyone who takes time out of their day to explain just how stupid they think the characters are. Big appreciative thumbs up for that one!**

**Anyways back to the drama...**

**REFLECTIONS**

**By HeligenaGirl**

Before Emily could even think up a response, the girl was right in front of her.

From behind Naomi stifled a scream; an odd gluey mixture of frustration and fear. But just as she was pulling herself up onto her feet again, four arms seemed to come out of nowhere. Two heavy limbs circled her shoulders dragging them backwards and another pair, a slightly chubbier pair clamped onto her wrists as she struggled against them.

Lashing out she tried to swing her elbow back but her arms weren't long enough. It simply hit empty air and knocked her even more off balance.

Twisted her head round, Naomi was faced with the undaunted looking faces of two unsmiling guys.

The funny thing was they seemed vaguely familiar, even in the dim light and her brain on its own initiative desperately tried to place them as she kicked out with her legs.

"Get off me, you fuckwits!"

Naomi jerked her arms to the right and the sockets burned with the effort

"Is that what Danny boy said before you stoved his head in?" One of them said angrily.

"Fuck off."

_Her hands remembered holding his arm, the sensation of the hairs catching under her nails._

_**Not the time.**_

She tried to pull against their weight to see what was happening with Emily, if she could just catch a glimpse...but it was like trying to push back a brick wall; their feet seemed to be cemented onto the wooden floor tiles.

"He loved her. Wouldn't shut up about that little red headed bitch. Christ; he would have done anything to get her back."

She wasn't sure they were even talking to her anymore but she kicked backwards at his words. The stupidity of them. The shortsightedness.

It hit her then, where she'd seen them. Panda's party. She'd been high as a kite from the brownies, and wandering around in that strange responsive haze but then the house had been overrun. Danny. His mates. These two. Hundreds of them it'd seem like.

Naomi felt the fear in her stomach grow another inch.

Out of her line of sight, Emily scanned the groups of dancers for her.

"I don't want to hurt you," Emily took a step back nervously as the girl came even closer, "I don't want to hurt anyone."

_Can't get angry. _Her brain chanted, images of Katie slumped on the floor flooding it.

_Can't get angry._

"Of course you don't." The girl's dark eyes narrowed and her tone grew even colder. "Remember to bring that up when you're standing in the sight of God."

For a second Emily stopped. She hadn't thought Danny's family might be religious. It hadn't even crossed her mind when they'd....

"Please, if you'd just listen..." It came out as a stutter; she was finding it hard to keep a track of the words coming out of her mouth against the pounding music and the swirling mosquito swarm inside her brain.

"Listen!" Danny's sister sneered at her from a few inches away, "I think we're done listening."

The girl moved with such speed Emily barely saw the arm that swung out and pushed her backwards, sending her flying against the bar. The copper guard rail slammed in her spine and a wave of white hot pain flared under the warm vapour she'd been wrapped up in since she'd popped those stupid pills.

_Can't get angry, _her brain responded sluggishly. _You can't hurt anyone else._

_There's a lot of people in here you could injure._

She wanted to argue but then the girl was right in her face; skin to skin cutting off her thoughts.

"See this?"

A flash of something silver caught the edge of her eye line. It was instinct. Emily thrust her arm out as pure fear overcame her for a second but with its clumsiness, the girl just smacked it out of the way and stared down at her, letting her know exactly how pathetic she was.

She brought the object up to within an inch of Emily's face.

And the redhead stared reluctantly into the tiny compact mirror the girl thrust onto her face.

Relief spilled through her bloodstream as she realised it wasn't a knife but then she realised with horror exactly what it was, what the girl wanted her to see.

_You._

She wanted to turn her head away, rip her eyes from the cheap gilt edged frame but strong fingers with long nail gripped her chin and held it in place.

And she stared at herself. Her reflection against the oblivious throng of people a few metres away.

Her eyes, that she should know so well seemed strange and alien as she took them in. Rimmed with red, she could see that her pupils wide and unfocused, shot through with something.

She'd only seen one pair like it that she could remember and the memory of him made her want to vomit.

"You know what this is?"

A tone of sadistic pleasure ran through the girl's words, worming through their seams. And Emily had to keep reciting the mantra in her head just to keep from losing all the control she'd clawed back over the last few hours. It was so close. It'd be so easy...

But she didn't want to give it back; over the last few hours it'd finally felt as if she'd found something that would take her back to normality.

And Naomi, her eyes had begged her for a sign that she'd understood, that she knew which way to get back.

_Can't get angry. Can't get angry._

Katie's bruised face flickered in front of her, superimposed on the girl's and the red-head could feel the burning sensation of acid close to the skin though, the temptation to just let go.

_Can't get angry._

"This is the face of a murderer. Say hello; you two should really get to know each other."

A hand pushed the back of her head closer to the glass until her breath clouded it a little.

Emily felt as if she really was going to vomit but found for some awful reason, she just couldn't look away. Every time she turned her head away, the hand dragged her chin back to the horrible image. Her sallow skin, the dark bags underneath her eyes.

Struggling against the girl's weight, Emily finally used the acid in her muscles and pushed her back an inch.

"Where's Naomi?"

Bitter laughter flicked back at her.

"Such compassion for your little accomplice." The girl didn't even draw her hard eyes away, they pinned Emily down. "She's keeping my friends company."

Emily's stomach plunged at the words.

The girl's brown hair swayed as she shook her head sourly. "Pity your compassion didn't extend to my brother's life."

_She remembered him lying there, eyes open, bunched up between the car seats._

Bullish guilt mixed with the gas inside her.

_You can't get angry._

Emily watched the girl's face swim in front of her, as her eyes started to burn with the low light and the swirling miasma in her head. She felt as if she was floating off the ground.

She was with it enough not to ask where Katie was though. From the blazing confidence on the face in front of her, it seemed like the girl didn't even know the other twin was with them and she wasn't going to give up that advantage.

_Small favours, right. _

Forcing herself to focus, Emily pushed the girl back again.

"I want to see Naomi," she said as forcefully as her voice would allow.

"Oh do you."

Emily shoved her again, breathing silently when the mirror dropped from the girl's hand and cracked on the floor beneath them.

"Why would I care what you want?" The girl, who stood about the same height as Emily stepped closer and Emily felt her hot breath on her mouth for the second time. The urge to wipe it off was overwhelming but she didn't dare move for fear of giving away her nerves.

"I want to see her now."

Truth was; She expected laughter. Or maybe a slap but nothing came.

Emily watched keenly as a strange look stole over the girl's face, making her seem older for a moment.

"Well, I guess since you asked so nicely. How can I refuse a lady?"

_Huh?_

The girl turned to yell out across the throbbing music, "Deano, Robbo..."

The names punctured the redheads memory, seeming to be linked in some inexplicable way to the haze that was circling her brain. Then she saw them, two of Danny's team-mates that had pushed their way into Panda's house with the rest of his oiled up clan of friends.

She should have known his sister wouldn't have started something when it was just her.

_Stupid, Emily. Stupid. _She cursed herself.

The anger bubbled a little. _Stay calm, _something whispered.

Her winding thoughts seemed to be endless but in reality it'd only been a few seconds since she'd seen them. Since they'd pulled a livid blonde with them, keeping a tight grip on the pressure points at the shoulder joint and manhandled her around the edges of the dance floor, passing people with a rueful smile.

Her heart leapt when she saw Naomi; a half smile lighting up her face. She couldn't help it, but then Emily noticed Naomi's harsh breathing and the blinking pain in her eyes that she was obviously trying to conceal.

"What have you done to her?"

"It's not what I've done...it's what I'm going to do." Said the girl simply.

She licked her lips, "Most people don't get to see the people they love in pain; guess it must be your lucky day."

_Can't get angry. _The voice was fading as she stared at the scene.

Strolling across the small space by the bar that wasn't blocked up with thirsty people, Danny's sister grabbed a lone shot glass off the bar and grinning smacked it nonchalantly against the bulkhead of the rail.

She turned, "You know what I like about clubs; they search your bag but they also know how to look after people who can improvise."

The glass shattered easily in her hand. She let the pieces fall, except for one single jagged portion which she held up so that Emily's wide horrified eyes could see it glinting with neon.

"Uh, you might want to memorise your friend's pretty little face. "

Danny's sister turned from Emily then.

Naomi began thrashing around in her flesh restraints, her face reddening as she fought against them with every ounce of energy in her, channelling the pain in her ankle and the injustice of the whole situation into some kind of movement.

But she couldn't get free.

She watched fearfully as the girl came over, her hand shaking just a little as the piece of glass shone under the disco ball.

Glancing over at Emily, she was the only one in that moment who saw the redheads resolve snap.

**A/N: Review and Susan Boyle will sing a duet with you...**


	11. Review Reply to Suiceene

**Hey guys, not an update yet but just wanted to post a response to Suiceene's review of the last chapters. One, as proof I accept analysis on my stories (good and bad) and two just to explain my side a little bit. Really do appreciate all time taken by people who review, as hard as some things may be to hear the first time. Will be posting next chapter soon I hope.**

**Anyway feel free to give this a read, see if you agree, disagree or hadn't even considered it... all words in bold are extracts from Suiceene's review.**

**Thanks for your kind words at the begining, I am afriad you might not have many more for me though by the end of this review unfortunatly. At first reading I didn't really like either of these two chapters, though after a second reading I am a bit more positive towards chapter nine. With reference to this chapter, I liked how you depicted Katie on her own. Her indecision, her confidence all gone, her lonliness about her sister, and lack of social skills was all presented very well. However ****However I didn't like any of her intereaction with the bouncer which closed the chapter. It all came across as wrong, and very unrealistic to me. I couldn't imagine anyone ever saying to a complete stranger**

"I've been having a bit of trouble with...uh...I wanted to see if I could handle being with a...talking to a guy... again."- Suiceene.

Ok, I can't say that the dialogue couldn't be more subtle in this bit but I felt like Katie has seen what has happened with her sister not telling the people she trusts how she feels and is a little worried that she might get worse, might experience something extreme herself unless she talks about it, opens up to someone. The incident with the vicar threw her a little out of her comfort zone and I was trying to get across that she didn't expect to feel better from talking but that that interaction has sort of given her the impetus to be a little more honest with people. I think she was surprised by Dylan's insight and just goes with the impulse that might (might!) make her feel better. It felt realistic when I wrote it but everyone reads lines differently, right so I can't really argue with that?

**He then takes her to meet another bouncer- bald 30 something who has a similar taste in music? I am sorry, I know you were trying to fit the bouncers out of the scene but you could have done it more gracefully than this. I can't believe that a bouncer would leave his position to take a stranger to meet another bouncer, thus dragging them both out of position becuase she has problems meeting guys. Much more realistically would have been for him to maybe lead her to a corner and to try and help her perhaps, not lead her off to meet someoneelse, not unless there was something wrong with her. I don't know maybe I am being too harsh about this ending bit, but it really did feel wrong to me if that makes sense.-Suiceene.**

In this case ,Dylan didn't actually take Katie anywhere, he called for the other bouncer to come out to the garden for a moment. I totally get why this might seem a little unprofessional in a club but for some reason the character Dylan feels impressed that Katie was honest about what had happened to her and felt a sort of protectiveness over her. I figured he'd probably witnessed a lot of male aggression and it drove him towards the job he's in where he can try and at least stop it happening. Maybe if he had have been more clued up, he might have done what you suggested but he is abouncer, not usually known for any emotional depth! (apologies bouncers if you're reading.) I just wanted him to seem like he was trying to find something comforting that she'd appreciate, and since he didn't have much info to go on, her t-shirt (and his friends interest/ comforting physical stature) seemed an obvious way in. I may have let plot development get in the way of character development here, but I was hoping not.

**I think I made some mention about how Danny's sister was acting near the close of chapter 8. However in this chapter she seemed to get even worse, transforming from an angry sister into someone much more exetiontalist and exaggerated. I know you were trying to make her evil and threatoning and drive Emily over the top, but she didn't feel at all like a real person- instead she felt a bit like an evil bond villan. She responds to her brothers murderer with a mirror (I could not believe this at all. I can't even imagine either Effie or Tony doing something like this) and with dialogue such as**

"Such compassion for your little accomplice."... "This is the face of a murderer. Say hello; you two should really get to know each other."..."Well, I guess since you asked so nicely. How can I refuse a lady?"..."You know what I like about clubs; they search your bag but they also know how to look after people who can improvise."... She licked her lips, "Most people don't get to see the people they love in pain; guess it must be your lucky day."

I mean I am sorry to seem so blunt but after such a good story so far, which so effectivly traced the true effects which such a fic like taken might have on the characters life, such an exaggerated charicacture of a villan really stands out badly. I have no problem with the overall storyline you must understand. Yes, a ** off possibly demented sister is possible. (I think she would be more likely to go after Katie than Emily though- Katie would be the one she knows and can put a face to after all- but if she did know all the circumstances of the case via the police report then yes she might go after Emily) Yes, I believe she would want to hurt Emily more by attacking Naomi. But the way she does it- in a long strung out way with two goons- lots of biting dialogue and props? I can't see her as a real character I am afraid which just lessons any effect this chapter has. - Suiceene  


Ok, I can admit the dialogue in some bits sounds a bit forced maybe, too much existentialism as you said rather than 'I hate you' but I actually wanted to show that grief doesn't always come out in some people as flying fists and shouting. Some people bury it inside and it twists into some sort of bizarre amalgamation of cruelty and coldness. Their words don't come out forcefully, they sharpen them first into a kind of intellectual weapon. I've seen it happen to one person in particular. Basically I wanted the confrontation to be more than a bit of violent drama. As for the 'bond villain' aspect, I can see why you might think that with what you see as a combination of forced dialogue and sketchily drawn 'henchmen' but I'd like to think it wasn't quite as simplistic as that. Danny's teammates would have their own resentments and would see his sister's rage as a means to act on it. Helping her, they could feel better without taking all the blame if she did something to the girls who killed their friend.

But I have to put my hands up-It seems like it's the execution you don't like more than the intention on this chapter so I can't really argue with that- it's a subjective thing. All I would say is I hope some readers saw what I was trying to show.

**This scene is made even worse if one is forced to imagine within a pounding club. There is no way I could see a scene like this going undisturbed for so long. You even mention that they hit the brass rail of the bar- where are the bar staff or Karen? Does no one else in the club notice this? Two burly guys pinion a small attractive girl, do no drunk guys leap to her aid? Does no one as I mentioned before dance into them and around them? Can they really hear all this dialogue with the loud music? I really think you should have taken this to the outside much earlier. Perhaps instead of going to the dance floor if Naomi and Emily had made their way to a dark alley or something and had been noticed by Danny's sister?- Suiceene**

I don't want to sound condescending in any way with this one but I've been to a fair few clubs where a fight has broken out in a corner and you don't know anything about it until later. Also been to a lot of places where bar staff rarely actually manage to cover every inch of the bar when people are queuing around one side. The fight actually takes place on the fringe of the dancefloor, and if you've noticed people dancing are generally turned inwards towards the dancefloor. Having been shoved whilst dancing, it seems like most people generally ignore it and go back to the music. I don't actually think it's that farfetched to imagine a fight (which incidentally only has one or two discreet punches, one grabbed throat and one push- nothing that would really disturb others around unless they were paying attention) in a bar that would go on for quite a bit before someone intervened.

On another note, they probably _would_ have to shout to make their voices heard, you're right but I didn't think I'd have to make that explicit at the time I wrote it and I plead artistic license.

**I don't agree with how you have protrayed Emily here either but I can see why you did it and if perhaps done a little more subtly I might have liked it. Her continuing mantra of not getting angry, kept reminding me of the Incredible Hulk unfortunatly, rather than as Emily. She says to herself, theres a lot of people that she could injure? Yes, I know she did hurt her sister and this has really disturbed and messed with her, but she can hardly believe that she is capable of flying into an insane rage and maim everyone round her? Perhaps this is the effect of the drugs. As I say I don't have as much a problem with this as with Danny's sister, it just sounds a little too comic book for me. Perhaps if it was a bit more subtle? - Suiceene**

Sorry about this one but I actually still stand by the mantra Emily uses in her head, and I got a few responses that seemed to show that other readers liked it too. I was a little worried that I overused it but I think it shows how she's feeling without going into extended psychology. I think as distorted as her mind is at this stage in the story, she actually believes she might hurt more innocent people. The combination of drugs, guilt (exaggerated in her head) and the fact she hasn't had time to explain how she's been acting has built up into a sort of mental catch-all phrase to keep her from breaking down. But, again, the execution seems to be more of a problem so maybe it could have been a bit more subtle.

**I know all this can't be too easy to read and I am very sorry to write it, I do really like this story, perhaps that why the errors mean as much to me. Anyways you have still left this chapter at an interesting point, and as I mentioned, I do like your overall plot, it was just the specifics in this chapter were too exaggerated to me. Anyways I don't mean any of this offensivly but merely constructivly. Good luck with the next chapter.**

To be absolutely honest, it wasn't too easy to read through everything you said in the latest review but trust me when I say I absolutely appreciate that you mean it constructively. You have to take the good with the bad, right? And even if I disagreed with everything you said (which I don't), I'd still be a better writer for considering all the things you mentioned. As it is, the first flush of disappointment has worn off now and I've been looking at each point seriously before I do the next chapter. So proper thanks for taking the time to say how you felt, hopefully I can do better next post.

Laura


	12. 11Confronting Your Demons

**Sorry for the delay peeps, spent the last few days tidying the garden and house after an 80's fancy dress party we had on Saturday. But here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy. Let me know as always...**

**CONFRONT YOUR DEMONS**

**By HeligenaGirl**

"Don't you fucking touch her!"

Naomi felt it before she could catch the movement with her eyes.

A flush of warm air blew across her from right to left and suddenly the entire atmosphere changed.

Emily launched herself right at the girl's back and slamming into her spine, tackled her to the dirty floor, the three of them collapsing in a heap of limbs; Emily, Danny's sister and her obvious surprise. Emily somehow regained her composure first. The redhead let out a scream- a horrible sound to Naomi, made up of frustration, grating edges and something else she couldn't quite pin down.

Something the blonde couldn't bring herself to think about as the lights changed overhead.

Purple to yellow.

Like a bruise forming.

Scrabbling around on the ground, the two girls grappled with each other, trying to gain purchase through the haze of anger. But neither one of them seemed to be able to keep more than one foothold before they were wrenched apart or smacked into a pair of hard ankles.

Suddenly Emily lashed out with her fist and caught the girl across the cheekbone. A sliver of satisfaction swam through her but then she realised her mistake. Because it hadn't connected, the weight of the hit sent the twin a little too far off balance and she fell painfully on her right side.

Giving her opponent just the opening she'd been looking for.

Pushing Emily hard onto her back, channelling every piece of burning anger Danny's sister pressed down with her whole bodyweight, dug her knees in on each hipbone, holding the thrashing redhead in place while she grasped for her throat.

The red-haired twin felt blinding pressure on her windpipe for the second time in the space of a few minutes and the weird sense of de ja vu seemed to bleed into a strange new clarity in her brain.

All the struggles, all the conflicts were ...gone.

She tried to drag in a breath, desperately working to prise the iron fingers off her throat but they were invincible. She knew a contusion was forming already; blooming on her white skin and it fuelled her already burning lungs.

_Where is she?_

She wanted to look for Naomi, to give her a reason, a boost. Something.

But her head couldn't turn and the force on her oesophagus was getting unbearable.

And the worst part was, she didn't have to focus on the face looming above to see the liquid satisfaction on it.

That same smug, arrogant grin.

The thought decided for her.

Emily took one more harsh, hot drag of air then stretched her hand down the outside of her leg as the girl kept tightening her grip. Kept stretching until it grazed the laced seam of the pocket. Fumbling desperately in the lining, her fingers scrabbling around for the thing she hoped was in there. Muscles screaming, her fingertips clasped something solid and she dragged it out, closing her fist to keep it hidden.

Her throat felt as if it was cracking.

_See how she likes it..._

Flicking the wheel on the lighter in her hand, Emily waited...and nothing happened. Except a laugh from the lights overhead at the pathetic rebellion.

Trying again, eyes scratched with dust from the floor, she flipped the cog again and a small burst of heat told her that the flint had caught. She opened her hand then. Held it up close to the girl's chin, her hand shaking from the strain.

The painful scream told her everything.

That the girl's skin had caught the sensation and suddenly, just like that the immoveable weight was off her body; she could breathe again.

She gulped air in, watching things spin for a moment.

"You little bitch!"

_It's now or never..._inside something screamed.

_Show her exactly what he did._

Breathing hard, Emily leant over and wrapped her arm around Danny's sister's neck, fastening her clammy hand over her mouth. In amongst it all, she felt something sticky smear on her palm and realised with revulsion it was the girl's lipstick.

"You want to know what your brother was like?" she gasped angrily. "You want to see?"

She hardened the muscles in her arm and tightened her grip, strangely glad that she couldn't see the girl's face and only had to look at her back.

"How does it feel not being able to breathe?"

The girl was struggling, clawing at her arm leaving red trails on it but Emily used all her rage to clamp herself down as her brain tried to conjure up what he'd done, each bruise, every bit of pain.

A familiar smell played around her nose; sweet and bitter but somehow fitting in the dim lighting.

All the memories she hadn't been able to find.

Still grasping to keep her hold, she tensed the muscles in her upper arm and spun the girl round. Then pushed her hard into the backs of a group of students, who all turned to stare at them irritably.

She didn't care. Using her other fist, she hit out, catching the girl in the stomach.

"You don't touch my friends," Emily's eyes flashed dangerously. "You know why? Because there are worse things out there than you."

She unconsciously flicked her eyes over to where Naomi had been standing, flanked by the two guys a minute before. The space was empty and for a second her chest froze solid.

But then she saw a brief glimpse of blonde hair.

That was all she needed.

Pulling herself up to her knees then finally standing, she dragged the girl up with her, keeping a tight hold.

It was totally reckless, against all logic that she could conjure up but with her free hand, she leant over and grabbed a glass off one of the gawping students.

Emily took a swig of bitter liquid, some kind of gin it tasted like but barely felt herself swallow it.

"Have it your own way." She snarled.

Taking another mouthful and picturing the conceited look on Danny's face in the car, she spat the remnants of the liquid into the girl's face.

It was hard to make out in the strobing lights but Emily could see the shock in the blazing eyes had hardened into something deeper. Raw.

"Dizzy yet?"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you." Came the reply.

Emily bit her lip hard, "I was..."

The girl stared at her, panting, still twisting away.

"... dizzy. I couldn't tell you which way he drove if I wanted to. I remember the smell though. Jack Daniels and sweat. I'm sure you know the one I mean."

"Don't you dare talk about him."

His sister spat it back at her.

Momentarily, Emily wondered what her name might be, she didn't think the papers had printed it. But then her eyes were drawn to the dance floor.

A lot more people were beginning to stare now; there were confused, excited eyes crawling all over them. Entranced by the scene unfolding.

Strange; she would have given anything for a pair of them when it happened... but now, it almost felt as if she was enjoying it. The surrealism of the whole thing.

The girl jerked, and cut through her thoughts.

Emily coughed, "He offered me vodka you know. He was already half-cut."

The twin grasped the girl's neck harder than before but then another burst of memories clouded her vision, staggering her.

Some part of her brain knew she couldn't afford to show the weakness though. Not now.

"Does anyone have any vodka?"

Turning to the crowd Emily met their stares with what she hoped looked like unconcern.

No-one answered, of course. They just herded together, warding away responsibility for any of it.

She steeled herself.

"Guess we'll just improvise."

Emily Fitch knew she was out of control in that moment but the truth was, it felt amazing; the surge of ferocity that singed underneath her skin. Everyone's eyes on her, wondering what she was going to do. It felt almost powerful.

Across from her, she couldn't see Naomi watching in horror as the blonde felt one of her aggressors let go of her shoulder, as he'd suddenly realised the tide was turning.

His perceptiveness surprised her but not enough to quiet her brain that was thundering a mile a minute. Everything inside was twisting as she watched her girlfriend struggling with the other girl.

It was barely a fair fight as it was, and simply catching sight of the red blotch at Emily's throat made her lungs grasp painfully. But if he got involved, the odds swung again and she knew Emily wouldn't have a chance. So Naomi shut down all the tendrils of thought, all the flashes of options that cracked through it and wrenched her shoulder away. Going against every instinct she had to stay near the redhead.

It was surprisingly easy since both guys were caught up watching the fight and she took the moment; broke away, taking one backward glance towards the twin before pushing through a clot of people.

Everything in her told her to stop but somehow her logical mind seemed to have taken the reins and it knew her best chance lay with getting to someone who worked there. Someone who could control things.

Shoving her way through at speed, she felt a burst of adrenaline and fear mainline through her system as both men started running towards her.

She just ran then, through the melee.

She hoped more than anything Emily hadn't seen.

**A/N: Review and I'll sneak you into the Priory's loo...**

**Su-Bo Needs your support!**


	13. Cracks

**A/N: Hey peeps, so sorry for the delays. Started a new job this week, had to time shift from going to bed at three to getting up at six. Not happy. Still, the money is appreciated. Anyways, I know this is a long chapter but it's the wind-down so hope it doesn't put you off and you stay with it. Didn't mean it to be so long but it spiralled a little bit. Read, enjoy hopefully, review... let me know.**

**CRACK**

**By HeligenaGirl**

It was all darkness inside the corridor and then just like that, blinding light.

Naomi shielded her eyes against the dazzling halogen lamps that clung to the undersides of the parasols in the patio area. Adrenaline vibrating through her joints.

Blinking furiously, she saw a glimpse of black jacket, and elbowed her way through a scowling bunch of drinkers as she focused all her energy on finding a member of security. She didn't even dare look behind her; the chorus of emotions battering her brain was enough to occupy her. She wasn't sure she could take much more.

But there... a tall guy, with some kind of laminate badge was standing by the metal emergency exit. He had to work there. He had to.

Running towards him through the crowds, ignoring their glares she made it in a few seconds and grabbed his forearm, hoping her grip would give him some kind of idea of the fear channelling through her.

"Please...there's two guys following me...and a fight...inside. You have to do something."

Such stupid, inane words.

But she realised quickly she shouldn't have stopped so suddenly.

Naomi bent over winded as a shooting pain crawling up her side. Sewing itself in amongst the panic, the mixture of sensations throwing her brain into deeper echoing chaos.

"You need to call the police. Someone," she whispered, desperately trying to keep a handle on everything.

"Please..."

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Inside The Cooler, painful static squealed out of the speaker system, cutting through the music, diverting all attention for a moment. From the music, from the bitchfight on the edge of the dancefloor.

"This is the Club Manager. I need to ask everyone inside the club to stay still, where they are for a few moments."

Thrown, Emily glanced at the hard breathing girl in front of her. Not sure whether to indulge the sensation of one-upmanship or anxiety. When she snuck a glance around though, everyone around them seemed to be wearing the same expression.

The tannoy crackled again with the strange distorted muffled sounds of a private conversation filtering out before they were cut off.

"There's no need for alarm. But there are some police officers waiting to check all ID's so if you could have them to hand the management would appreciate it."

The fire pulsating through Emily's veins scratched at her to ignore the tinny voice and carry on the fight, to enjoy it. Embrace the freedom of the whole thing. But the small logical voice at the back of her head whispered too... almost as insistently. About the obvious scratches on her face... the flush. The drugs in her system. Accusations of assault that no doubt would come her way.

_Her word against yours._

She just couldn't go back to the police station.

Couldn't phone her mum and dad and explain to them why she was in a cell.

She remembered the place so clearly. The door marked police liaison officer. Pamphlets that should have taken her mind off that night; that explained the human response to trauma. How your heartbeat accelerates when someone is afraid so it pushes blood and oxygen to the muscles of the legs; fight or flight.

Toneless dry printed words; 'Oxygen gets sucked out of your system, as does moisture. No moisture means no saliva so the mouth feels dry. That was the last thing she read before the nurse came to take her to a side room.

Emily blinked, trying to sweep away the flashes of hospital she remembered. Latex gloves and pungent chlorine that caught in her nose.

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"Jesus."

A voice filtered through the noisy garbled slurring conversations; and the funny thing was it sounded so familiar. Then as if out of nowhere someone grabbed her own elbow as Naomi stumbled over her heel; and just like that she was steady again.

Katie.

The blonde's heart jumped involuntarily, sending shivers through her. She wasn't sure she'd ever been so pleased to see the girl in her whole life.

"Is it Em?"

What could she say? All she could do was nod hopelessly as the colour drained from the twin's face.

Seemed to be the only question they ever asked these days

Just then there was a commotion in the doorway and the reason for her stitch slapped into her eyelids.

Forcing her burning muscles to straighten up, the blonde hoped Katie understood why she ignored her and turned to the bouncer.

"Please,...can you do something?"

She watched for his reaction, feeling stupid and weak and fucking vulnerable as the doorman took in her own face. God knew what she looked like. She didn't even have the energy to wonder what he saw there. It was barely a second before he nodded imperceptibly and spoke into his walkie talkie. He talked so quickly, so coolly she could barely make out words amongst the sound but she prayed some sort of cavalry was listening on the other end.

Then of all things, he smiled. Calmly.

"Looks like you may be in luck."

Both girls just stared at him confused, under the dark sky and for a second Naomi wondered why Katie seemed so at ease with him but the thought passed quickly.

"Seems someone's already made a call tonight." His tone was strange, almost angry underneath.

"What does that mean?"

"Means we have some unexpected VIP's. VIP's with a warrant."

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"Anyone found to be underage or possessing illegal substances will of course be arrest..."

The manager's voice cut off as the microphone whined and someone else with deeper tones came on.

"We are _not_, I repeat not here to arrest anyone, this is a random police check as part of Bristol city's teenage violation program. There is no need for anyone to get overex..."

No-one could tell how it began or even where it began but suddenly there was movement. A single shift, a tiny sidestep and then as if in concert, mass jostling as the crowds in the club began to push against each other, making for any exit they could find.

Terrified of being hauled to the station with fake NUS cards, pills in their pockets.

Before she could think Emily felt herself being bulldozed towards the far wall and barely had time to see what happened to her attacker before swathes of people filled her field of vision. Shoved her from side to side.

There was a horrible new anxiety in the air, and disoriented, she instinctively began battling her way towards the back of the club. Away from the police. Away from their files that had her name on them. Towards where she hoped Naomi and Katie were waiting.

It was getting harder and harder to move though.

Harder to breathe too.

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"I don't have time for fucking cryptic comments all right." Naomi breathed out through her nose, as the bouncer put down his handset, all professionalism and coolness.

"For Christ sake, we have to go back in there!" The desperation in her own voice appalled her.

And truthfully, the thought of going back terrified her more than she ever would have admitted but the images of Emily in a chokehold kept batting at the backs of her eyes. Again and again.

"Come on...you're not shitting wonder woman, what are you going to do?" said Katie, letting go of her.

_What?_

Naomi stared at her uncomprehendingly. "Why aren't you backing me up on this, she's your sister."

A brief glimpse of betrayal haunted Katie's red face for a moment.

"The police know how to handle situations like this."

"You didn't see her..." said Naomi accusingly, brushing back a stray piece of blonde hair from her eye.

"She can hold her own, right. And what's your plan Brainiac?" the redhead spat out. "Get out your tin opener and your can of whoop-ass? Fuck me, have some sense. Dylan can help her without you and me getting the shit kicked out of us."

"If you're frightened of her, you just have to say."

Katie looked as if she'd been slapped and the same instant Naomi felt warm shame wash over her skin. But she couldn't understand why the twin was putting all her faith in some guy she'd just met.

Nothing seemed logical in her brain anymore and she struggled to maintain composure, to think things through. She knew one thing though, arguing about it wasn't helping anyone.

Forcing her breath to slow while she calmed down, Naomi made herself look the twin straight in the eye.

"I don't know what to do all right.... Something. Anything."

It felt like the lamest thing that had ever come out of her mouth but in that second she couldn't do anything about it. It was all she could think of to explain.

"Listen, first things first, can you point them out to me?"

"What?" Naomi turned back to face Katie's new 'boyfriend,' sighing with frustration

"Look, just do what you can ok...I really don't have time to draw you a diagram."

It was then she saw Katie motion to him out of the corner of her eye and felt an unwarranted sense of treachery as Dylan grabbed her arm purposefully. Holding her still before she could move.

"You're friend will be all right... But we can't have people like the guys you mentioned running around the club, ok. We're over capacity as it is. Just give me one minute."

Naomi fought against his grip, "Fuck the guys! I have a responsibility to Emily…"

He stared at her darkly, "And I have a responsibility to the people in this club. One minute, ok"

She wasn't sure why she did it but her eyes flicked over to Katie, and she felt a second strange stinging of betrayal as the twin nodded in agreement with the bouncer. Avoided her gaze.

The blonde wanted to scream.

She had to get back in there.

Had to. But the hold on her arm was so immoveable and the more she struggled the less seemed to happen. She was almost out of energy.

"Just give me a sign, ok. I've radioed the bar staff about your friend, they'll be looking for her right now before anything happens."

_Anything else, you mean._

"Naomi please..." A pair of intense chocolate brown eyes pleaded with her and she honestly didn't know what to do. Everything inside her seemed to be twisting in on itself and it took all her power to try and face the two of them down.

So, to her shame she acquiesced. And whispered silently to Emily that she was sorry.

Clenching her muscles, Naomi trained her eyes on the doorway, forcing them to focus, through the clump of shuffling people, drinks in hand. People without a care in the world.

Her skin jerked as two guys staggered out onto the flagstone.

But it wasn't them. These were both too short, too drunk; alcohol had already worked its way through their systems and somehow convinced their limbs they were capable of elaborate body movements. She shook her head impatiently as she felt Dylan's unsaid question.

And then: they came out in a huge group of people, almost hidden in the rabble bursting into the outside area.

"Them." She said in a low voice.

"Jonno and Radcliffe," Katie added tonelessly. "Figures."

Dylan moved quicker than either of them could have predicted. Within three seconds he was at the side of the footballers, another bouncer silently flanking him on the left. Both girls watched through the growing crowds of people as Danny's teammates were seized roughly, given some sort of twist on the wrist and suddenly were down on the cold hard stone, struggling and kicking.

It was so proficient, it took the breath away.

Tempered relief coursed through Naomi. And she wasn't angry enough that she missed a similar response in Katie's breathing beside her.

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Inside, hot, sticky bodies pressed against each other as the clots of people began to panic. It infected one girl then another, as they bunched together in the middle of the room. On through the simplest touch; an elbow in the ribs, a hand thrown out to keep balance. Before any conscious thought could emerge, the club was awash with shouting and sweat-laden chaos.

Emily pushed her way through, almost blind cursing her height.

It was hard to see anything clearly. The bright spinning lights danced over pushing shoulders as the panicking revellers tried to get out; tried to squeeze out past the officers waiting at the entrance or fought their way to the beer garden.

Bottlenecks formed quicker than anyone could have predicted. Fat and hard. A few random clubbers, none more than twenty years old were shoved hard and surprised, found themselves on the floor. Emily saw one dark haired girl smack her head on the edge of a chair leg but she couldn't get to her to help. She was shoved again to the side.

Another fallen girl splayed her hands out and pushed off her knees by the toilets, desperately trying to lever herself up but a hundred feet; trainers, high heels, wedges crushed down on her exposed skin. Someone carelessly Stamped on her thigh.

Emily could see others falling.

Their screams were barely recognisable above the din of barbaric yells. Friends calling each others names, some not even bothering to call out as they rammed into the back of the herd. It was awful to watch.

Battling through the cacophony, trying to block the smell of sweat and fear out Emily made her way to the corridor next to the chillout room and ran her hand along the smooth wall as she was shunted forward. Anything to maintain a stance, a direction.

Keeping herself as tight to the wall as possible, she saw the light of the doorway ahead and swallowed gratefully. It could have been miles away with the number of people jostling in front but just being able to see it, allowed her to focus her mind.

Suddenly there must have been a blockage ahead, by the doorframe and everyone began crushing into the backs of people in front. Trying to keep her breathing even Emily smacked against the spine of a tall, long haired guy and lost all the air in her lungs.

Starting to feel totally claustrophobic, she felt herself being pushed to the side as well, pinioned against the wall. Her head started to throb painfully with the pressure and it was all she could concentrate on.

A girl behind her screamed as her hair caught on one of the wall fixtures. The sound echoed along the paintwork, mixing in the dark, warm air.

Emily didn't know how much more of it she could stand when things shifted again and she surged forward, elbow scraping agonizingly along the paintwork.

And then with one giant wave, she was near...a metre away...out in the glaring lights.

There was stone beneath her feet.

Wiping her eyes to try and see where to go, where to escape to, Emily's chest almost burst when she saw her sister and Naomi across the flagstones. Glowing under the lights. Shoving everyone in front of her out of her way she ran over and flung herself at both of them, throwing her arms out with pure, unadulterated relief.

It felt indescribably good.

They barely had a chance to see her before she was on them, she felt it in their stiffness but then they must have cottoned on because both pulled her in tighter.

But as much as she could have stayed there, she forced herself to pull away and looked seriously at the pair.

"We have to get out of here..."

The urgency in her own voice surprised her. There were so many things she wanted to say; to tell them but something inside told her to get all of them away from the club, from the screams inside.

Somewhere safe.

She almost lost her focus when Naomi brushed her cheek tentatively, her eyes questioning.

"What happened? Why is everyone coming out of the club?"

She'd totally forgotten how much she loved her voice too.

It took all of her willpower to keep from smiling.

Instead she settled for holding her gaze.

"I'll explain everything but we have to go, ok?"

To her surprise neither argued. Taking in the certainty behind the marks on her face, Katie and Naomi simply nodded, exchanging confused glances though when they thought she wouldn't notice.

It didn't matter. Emily gratefully took both of their hands; dragged them towards the emergency exit that someone had wedged open, following the baying crowd of people out onto the city streets. Making their way through into the dark, piss-soaked back alley they walked quickly round past the metal bins onto the main road.

Somehow a mob had gathered on the pavement to watch the horrors going on inside, drawn by the sirens, the police vans, the injuries. Coalescing even before anyone could have told them what was happening. Katie and Naomi didn't pick up on it but vague screams were still filtering out from the interior as they crossed the street.

Emily couldn't bring herself to look back.

She wanted to hold on to the feeling of relief that was sitting on her skin.

It'd been a long time since she'd felt it.

**A/N: Review and I'll teach you Hebrew...**


	14. Slumber

**A/N: Continued apologies for delays, barely had time to think over the last few weeks but I've managed to get around to the next chapter so here it is for your delectation. Any reviews, thoughts on the fic as a whole or general existential questions then hit the green button baby! The standard of fics on here at the moment is really good so hopefully I'm not lowering the tone with this update. Oh and apologies to all updated chapters I haven't gotten around to reviewing yet, I will I promise! Pinkie swear.**

**SLUMBER**

**By HeligenaGirl**

Emily knew she shouldn't open her eyes. Her brain told her to keep them closed. Not clamped shut just not opened, with no telltale wrinkles to give her away.

But it was the sound. Naomi's breathing; it was slow and thoughtful even though she was obviously deep asleep beside her, legs wrapped up messily in the covers. Seemed like such an odd combination for the brain to be able to do without being aware of it. But in a weird way it was comforting to think that she might be trawling through everything that had happened, working it all out without having to say the awful words out loud.

Who was she to begrudge her the release?

Turning over so she was lying on her side, her own face a few inches away from the blonde's, Emily let her eyes run down along the smooth lines.

It was only when a muted cough came from the foot of the bed that she suddenly remembered that Katie had crashed in Naomi's room too. All of them dead on their feet after everything.

The blow up mattress hadn't gone down too well.

"_And would you like me to pad a little before I curl up by your feet, just to complete the picture?"_

Was it wrong that Emily had liked having her there in her girlfriend's room, safe where she could reach out and touch her if she needed to? It was the last thought she'd had before she must have fallen asleep.

In the semi-darkness of the space, her twin was merely a hazy silhouette; the curve of an elbow. Em could have tried to make out her face if she screwed up her eyes tightly enough but she knew she didn't have the guts to do it really. All night, all week maybe they'd seemed to go from rooms with dim lighting to clubs with neon darkness and she'd been able to ignore the evidence of what she'd done. She hadn't even gotten a good look under the streetlamps on the way home.

_Not much of a sister, are you? _Her brain sniggered a little at her and it was surprisingly hard to ignore.

"Katie..." Emily whispered her name, wincing as the sound seemed painfully loud.

There was a pause while the sound dropped like crumbs to the floor.

"Yeah?"

A million words swilled around her mouth but none seemed to be able to make their way out.

"Does it hurt a lot?"

Silence dripped again.

"Bit. More when I've been sitting down for a while."

How long had her voice been brittle like that? Had she just not noticed?

The urge to push the covers off and go and lay down next to her, skin to skin was almost too much to bear but a horrible new shyness tagged along with it that somehow held her in place. Unconsciously her tongue probed the roof of her mouth, as her teeth seemed to vibrate with the awful sensation.

"Do you remember what you said when we built that fortress?"

The muffled snort was enough to convince her Katie knew exactly what she was talking about.

_It had been the summer of two thousand and one. They'd dug a giant fairly circular hole in the back garden, deep enough for them to stand in and peer over the lip, surveying their kingdom. Katie had made her dig most of it, with a cheap olive green Weston Super Mare bucket and spade set. Her palms had been red raw, her fingernails black but when it was finished Katie had been just as thrilled as she was._

_It didn't take long for them to set up a barricade; their mum's clothes horses right around it one balanced on the top rung of two others to swing down and form a rudimentary portcullis. They'd set up a watch next to keep an eye on enemy invaders. The enemy was devious too, sent all sorts of minions of darkness for them to defend against; flying ants from the compost bin, woodlice, next door neighbours mangy tabby. And they weren't the sort to stand there inert and unmoving._

_James had only stopped throwing buckets of water out of the upstairs bathroom window, angling his head to fit it through the gap, when they'd fired rubber bands coated in water from the toilet and one had hit him square in the face._

She couldn't help smiling just thinking about it. Easy summer afternoons

_There'd been a mini internal power struggle when Emily had wanted a go looking through the magnifying glass cum telescope, even though they were probably a few hundred years out with that invention. _

"_They might dig a tunnel underneath us and burn us out, we need to watch for scouts!"_

_Katie had looked at her askance, "You're a weirdo you know that?"_

"_At least I'm not unprepared."_

"_Yeah tell that to Craig Tait when he leans in to snog you, I'm sure that'll turn him right on."_

_Emily had allowed herself a little sulk then._

"_Fine you look and I'll fight them."_

"_Em?" Scepticism stared back at her._

"_What, I can fight."_

"_Ems, You couldn't fight a fever." She smirked. "Look, God, Here..."_

_The elder twin had held out the eyeglass but Emily batted it away with her hand angrily. "I could be scary if I wanted to."_

_Her sister just laughed. "Not in the way you might think though."_

"Do yours hurt?"

Emily wasn't expecting the quietness of the question and unconsciously touched her chin. "Aches more than hurts."

"Dribbles more than squirts..." mumbled Katie somewhere below her feet.

"That's disgusting."

"That's profound, thank you very much."

Lying there, the pillow skein warm on her face, Emily didn't need to look to know the ruffled indignation on her twin's face.

"Can I ask something..."

Such hesitancy and tentativeness in amongst the familiarity of her sister's voice. It sliced through Em's skin. She wanted to say no, it would be so much easier but she had to let her ask, it was one of the only things she knew clearly.

"I don't get..." Katie stopped again.

"What?" said Em hesitantly, lightly tracing the knuckles of Naomi's hand poking through the duvet.

"Why you had such a hard time when Carrie was provoking you but...you just went for it with me."

_It's a fair question, isn't it?_ If their roles were reversed it'd be the first one she'd ask.

All those dark syllables that she'd been trying to cough up earlier started to swarm behind her eyes again, stirred up as she even attempted to try and explain. In fact her head was starting to swim in the gloom and she had to push it down into the pillow to keep from making a noise and waking Naomi beside her.

"It's so mixed up. The things you were saying...about my face..." She lost the train of thought for a moment. "I mean he thought I was you right. The whole time he was looking right at me and he was seeing you. Funny; thought I was used to it by now."

She edged a little way back from Naomi's inviting skin, trying to clear her mind and wrapped her arms around herself. The wafts of nausea and anger brushing over her.

"It sounds fucking ridiculous but it felt like I was betraying you if I let him hurt me...because in his head he would have been doing it to you... Doesn't really make sense when I say it out loud, does it?"

For some reason the word loud instinctively drew her glance to the sleeping girl so close to her. She still looked so tranquil and Emily felt her lungs tear a little at the decision she'd made. She should wake her, let her hear all the stuff she'd been waiting to hear; been desperate for. Loyalty demanded it. Ethics too.

But another part of her, a part she hadn't felt for a long time told her that she owed her twin first explanations.

"Then he ended up hurting you anyway...all the fear and the panic, it seemed kind of pointless. Easier to be careless, selfish, angry. Easier to be strong, maybe."

"You think I was weak letting him get to me too?" said Katie miserably.

Ems's chest lurched painfully, "No! I didn't...I don't." I never thought that."

That was only the tiniest smudge of a lie. It had flitted through her mind when the car's headlights had swung across the concrete barricade seconds before impact. But that didn't really count did it, she hadn't meant it. Not really.

She wiggled her toes for a moment.

Katie sniffed, mulling the conversation over. "And when you hit me?"

Emily felt sick again. "When it was all over, I...it's hard to explain. I had this sort of rush of adrenaline, all the time and I couldn't do anything with it."

, "And I should have talked to you, I know that," She cut the argument off before it even came out. "It's just he wasn't around to fucking...take it. And you..." She stopped herself suddenly.

"Me..." Curiosity flickered.

There was a silent hitch in the bossier twin's breathing.

"You kept pushing at me to talk about it. Deal with it." Emily pulled her legs up under the duvet guiltily. "I guess something cracked."

"You didn't crack with Naomi."

"No, I didn't." She replied dejectedly. "But," the words started struggling on her tongue again, "you have to understand, with Nai I spent so much time getting her to open up with me. One small thing is all it would take to wreck it."

Emily leant over and out of her twin's eye line planted a soft kiss on her forehead. Then she dragged herself a few inches away again, the sudden lose of proximity cooling her skin.

"Katie when it comes to us, it's so different. I don't really get how but underneath it all, I know whatever I do, however horrible it is you'll still love me. You'll stand by me even if it takes a while to sort stuff out. " She breathed out carefully, "So I...I used you to release something. Something really fucking awful."

Emily hung her head, her neck barely able to hold it up even with the buzzing relief traipsing over her wrists. She hoped she'd been right, hoped Katie would understand even just a little bit from the stupid pointless things she'd just said.

"I wish I had better words."

Quiet broke into the dark room again.

"Mardi voobles." Emily whispered, the sound dry in her mouth.

She waited then with baited breath, to see whether her sister would accept the childish apology. Didn't quite know what she'd do if she refused.

"Mardi vooble kay."

A laugh broke out of her then, and Emily felt her muscles relax properly for the first time in weeks. Laying back on the pillow, arms flung across her stomach she took a moment to enjoy the liquid silence that'd been weighing heavy on her mind.

In fact, she was so preoccupied with the sensation that she missed her sister nodding just for a second towards Naomi's still face. A still face with a pair of open blue eyes.

**A/N: Review and Madonna will adopt you too...**


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